Help me stop "waiting". So low.

[Ticktockticktoc]

Name changed as a bit embarrassed to share how I really feel. I've posted about exbf before

I was in a relationship with a man who treated me badly. It was a classic EA situation - he was lovely to start with, like a dream Mr Right and then over time lost interest, started breaking dates, ignoring me, silent treatment etc. It was a very sexually charged relationship. I'm still in love with him. No idea why as he's a mean man but it's a deep rooted obsession.

We are no contact and have been for months. He finally pushed me too far so I told him I wasn't putting up with this any more. In the past we have had this kind of cycle, where we'd (Well him) would stop contacting me, then he'd re-emerge.

At the start, I felt very strong and powerful and all "right this is over". Over time, this has lessened and I now feel really down about the fact that he hasn't bothered to get in touch with me and try to get back with me.

It's got worse and worse. I am now really miserable (Depressed would be exaggerating but near that feeling). I am now at the point where I think about him all the time and check my email obsessively - hoping he'll get in touch. This is mental for all kinds of reasons - I'm better off without him, there's no reason why now he'd get in touch.

Anyway, my question is -

how do I snap myself out of these doldrums?
I feel like my life is on hold while I am waiting for him to get in touch with me.

Past cycles have shown this happens eventually. But right now I am torturing myself with thinking of him and how inadequate I must be for him not to want me.

I feel despairing of ever meeting anyone that I have that feeling for or chemistry with. And that even when I had it, it was with a man who thought I was worthless or not worth treating right.

I think the more we try to deny feelings, the stronger they get. So the more you decide to focus in the negative and convincing yourself that you don't care, the more you become obsessed with him.

I find that if I just accept the feelings and acknowledge them, then they become less intense and more manageable. Maybe you could try that? Admit and accept that you love him, no matter what he has done, and that you are sad and hurt. You don't have to do anything with the feelings (don't do anything!), they are just feelings. Acknowledge them, and then get on with your day.

Give it a go. It might work. It's worked for me when I start getting fixated on stuff (I have tendencies to do it).

TickTock... Obsessive 'love' isn't love at all. He pursued you, he caught you, he's not sufficiently interested to make a life with you, what's left to do?

• You'll meet other 'soul mates', you just will. It's a question of chemistry and people then fill in the blanks with mirroring and 'matching' bits of common interest until the resulting package is compatibility.

• There is no 'league'. People never assess themselves accurately so how can anybody else by in or out of this scope?

• Sexual compatibility is real, it's part of chemistry, which is also real. He isn't the only man you'll feel this with.

I think your 'league' thing is something you should subscribe to the bin in your head. It's not helpful to you and it will make you re-write was did or didn't happen, which will distract you and waste your time until you decided enough is enough.

You've dressed up this relationship into something in your head that it isn't; people generally aren't accurate historians when it comes to feelings - and you only have your side of the story so what's the point.

I'm sorry that you feel the way you do. My best advisce to you would be to give yourself till the end of November to wallow and angst -and 1st of December is the start of you reclaiming your headspace and putting him out of it. You're not in his.

Google 'Limerence' for what you're describing in your bullet points. The truth might put you on the path to setting yourself free.

OP, this was a sexual obsession, first and foremost, a very powerful thing especially if he was chasing you which made yo believe it was something potentially deep and long term. Easier to move on if there was no chasing (or chasing from you) as then at least you could say to yourself that it was mainly a one-sided attraction.
Nothing really you could do apart from wallow a bit and then try to go out and do anything at all that makes you physically tired, or something you emotionally enjoy (though that's harder in an obsessive state), but phtsical tiredness does help - and produces endorphines.
I really sympathise though!

I was also thinking this is 'limerance' not love at all.