This will be long, so sorry in advance. Have NC so as not to out myself.
Been married for 7 years, 2 young DC. My H will often tell me that I'm moody, or miserable or his favourite that I'm a pessimistic/negative person. I naturally don't think I am but I do think our marriage and everything that has happened since we got together has got to me.
Since we have been together he has been declared bankrupt, lost a couple of lucrative jobs,we almost lost our home last year but due to help from family managed to keep it although we kept the house we pretty much live week to week and will do for a good few years yet.
I've had a couple of serious health issues leading to surgery and hospitalisation. Through it all, I've tried my hardest to keep it together, keep on keeping on. Not let it affect the kids etc.
All of the above has affected our relationship, we are no longer intimate, haven't been in almost a year, we don't talk about anything other than the kids and when we do he is very dismissive of me and my opinions.
If I am critical about something or get annoyed (eg he bought the kids back late on a Sunday evening after visiting friends- so they had to rush, dinner/bath/bed and didn't get to bed until 2 hrs past their bedtime-v tired next day for school/nursery ) he will accuse me of "ruining" his day and being a moaner and whinger. He has little nicknames that he uses in front of the kids that I suppose are harmless but they hurt my feelings and if say anything about them he again accuses of not having a soh or being miserable.
If I ever make the mistake to talk about how I feel he will just stare at me blankly like I'm talking a foreign language or just brush it aside and tell me not to be silly.
I think I can be moody, I think my health condition has taken it's toll on me too. Also due to all the financial issues I no longer look to him as someone who I can rely on to take care of me or the kids ( I don't mean take care like I'm dependant on him but if the need arose) but I don't recognise the person he describes me as. No one in my friends circle would ever describe me the way he does - including and especially people who have known me for years.
Friends tell me I'm funny, smart, attractive but my husband never notices any of this. I try to do little things that show that I care, like buy his favourite food as a treat (money too tight for proper present) I cook, clean and do the majority of the childcare I also work PT.
When we argue I sometimes burst into tears because of something hurtful he has said and he just stares emotionless at me or sometimes looks exasperated with me.
No one outside of our marriage sees this side of him, to almost everyone else he is Mr Happy Go Lucky, positive, upbeat, give you the shirt off his back kinda guy- but at home he is often non- communicative unless he is criticising me over something or we are arguing.
I've suggested counselling but he refuses to go. In fact he refuses to acknowledge any responsibility for the difficulties in our marriage. He says if I was a happier, nicer person then we wouldn't have problems.
Recently we were discussing something and he shut me down, basically telling me that he was no longer going to talk to me about it and I needed to stop talking. He said this in front of our children. He refused to talk to me for the rest of the day. Pointedly ignoring me.
When we did talk I made it clear that I wouldn't tolerate him talking to me like that again. I told him I would rather be on my own than live with someone who thinks so little of me. He didn't deny any of this. But towards the end of the conversation said he wanted to try and make things work between us.
But this morning I made a comment about how travelling using a certain mode of travel makes me anxious and he started reading me article about 22 habits of unhappy people- and when I asked him why he was reading it to me, he just gave me a look. wtf! I feel like I'm going crazy, I feel insane sometimes because I can't work out if I'm really this awful person who brings out the worst in him or just someone whose had enough of the shit that's happened over the last 7 years.