I was going to name change as feel so ashamed. I need to help AGAIN and maybe some practical advice too.
Just a bit of background for those who don't know me. Split from my X about a year ago, he had MH issues, money problems and was a pretty crap father to our DS and I carried him for years eventually but had the courage to boot him out. Past year we have continued to see each other we have a strange relationship, I still love despite all things. I know my life would be better if only I could break free but just seem unable to do it. He is little comfort and support to me as he is too selfish and wrapped up in his own problems. He keeps promising me money but it never seems to happen.
Anyway it has been a bad time, had a break in earlier this year, been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, badly damaged my teeth in fall are just a few things, fallen out with DS1 ( another story but basically kept asking for money and me to babysit GK's but mentally and financially unable to help him) and now relationship broken
I have just started counselling and it has become clear I am extremely depressed and sad to admit had serious thoughts of ending it all. Biggest problem is I am in huge debt and due to my MH issues have really buried my head in the sand. I am a fool.. I have an appointment booked with GP tomorrow as think short medication could help, have spoken to Mind and Business Debt line. So some small steps. But I feel overwhelmed by everything. I need to try and convince ILR to cut me a bit of slack but they play hard ball and I am in serious danger of loosing everything. I cannot sleep, feel so stressed I can hardly breath and am drinking far to much just to feel normal.
Don't know what else to say but ant advice or tips on what I can do to help myself out of this that would be truely amazing but think I am a lost cause. Thanks for reading a bit epic