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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Opinions pls. Should I be as worried as I am about all this?

33 replies

perfectmummy · 11/11/2014 20:18

Bit of background:
my PD of 10 years works over seas about 2 -3 time s a year in the far east for a couple of weeks or so at a time. We have 2 DC (4 and 7). Have had a few minor issues regarding trust/telling the truth in the past but nothing serious.
He is currently away and by accident has left me with his password to one of his work email accounts (he has a few). I had a look! Last time he was away he contacted someone who by the name of the email is a woman. Her email address is the Philippines but not the country where she lives now. They only emailed and he has her email address saved on his account. No phone number though. He asked if she remembered him and he was in the city for the next 2 nights if she wanted to meet up. She replied asking how long he was here. Unfortunalety for him it was too late and his reply was he was on the way to the airport but hoped to meet next time............
Role on last week. He emailed her again would she like to meet up. He was in town on various dates over the next 2 weeks. I had sent her a blank email the night before (mainly cos I was fuming) which hadn't been returned or responded to but his got a bounce back failure. She must have deleted the account.
I have also seen evidence of a BlendR account - meet this woman etc etc. which talked about his account (not sure if he had set one up or not). How would I find out?
I have to wait more than a week for his return. Please help me get my head round this. Could he be meeting a woman for sex?? Why would she not have given him her phone number??
Shit! What should I think and what should I do.
Sorry for the rant. Really confusing myself about whether this is a big deal or not!

OP posts:
Tobyjugg · 12/11/2014 01:31

No doubt, Cabrinha, my assumption was that a guy who cheated would also have a certain degree of low animal cunning and so cover his tracks.

Cabrinha · 12/11/2014 07:52

Well, you could say work email is cunning, Toby.
Already he has people like you telling the OP it must be a work contact, not a prostitute, because it's work email.
I can well imagine that playing out in the confrontation between partners! "of course it's a work colleague, look it is work email"

Also, I'd guess that suspicious partners (or non suspicious ones!) are far less likely to check work mails.
People use work email for dubious purposes all the time, ask any IT department.

You may think it's a stupid thing to do, but most of the women on here discovering prostitutes or affairs seem to do so because their partner slipped up, got lazy, was stupid. Secret phones left out, Facebook left logged in.

FWIW, my XH kept his old phone, riddled with prostitute contact texts (deleted content but not date/number). So when mine died, I borrowed his. He had forgotten or thought the deletion of content enough. Obviously I'm glad of his stupidity!!
Men who cheat for years get complacent.
I am not at all surprised OP's husband used work email.

perfectmummy · 12/11/2014 08:38

he works for himself so work email not really any indication fo anything. It is the most convienient one which he would be using while on the trip. He had also double deleted all email and I found the emails in all mail and deleted from inbox's etc.
all bank statements etc. are online. Cant find anyhting else in the house. He takes all money/business post which comes here to the office

OP posts:
Castlemilk · 12/11/2014 10:19

if he works for himself, and you are not married, you REALLY REALLY need all the financial info you can.

Please please say you co-own the house!!!

Castlemilk · 12/11/2014 10:19

Copy all emails etc. - if you can get proof that he's been using a company email to contact prostitutes, it may be a useful thing to hold over him.

Tobyjugg · 12/11/2014 10:45

OK Cabrinha, I'm with you. Put my naiveté down to having worked for a firm where a guy did this, IT found out (before his wife) and went ballistic (mainly because the email address had our Co name in it). It's been drummed into me that work emails are kept above reproach.

FatherJake · 12/11/2014 11:20

In HK there is often a grey, grey line between Filipina prostitutes, maids and girls about town. It doesn't really matter what she is, however it is quite clear he contacted a Filipina girl he has seen before to have a bit of fun. This is not uncommon in the Far East where guys travel a lot. Sorry.

perfectmummy · 12/11/2014 13:16

house co owned. calling solicitors this afternoon to get appointment to see whats what. Told RL friend this morning. Dont know if I feel better or worse

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