This isn't right is it?

[lotsoftoast]

Getting called a fucking retard because the extension plug in the garage blew (has washing machine, tumble dryer and fridge) so I replaced it so I could get the washing done with one from the house. I forgot to tell him promptly after his arrival home so he blew his lid when he discovered my 'crime'

Being told this morning that he would swing for me as he was so stressed from me making him 5 minutes late (I needed the loo before my shower, and sometimes it takes a while when you're pregnant you know?)

Getting shouted at just now for using a resusable carrier as a bin bag (normally we just use the normal carriers, but I had none to hand and a shouting toddler at the time I needed one)

This has all been since Friday. Any time I pull him up on his language towards me (I've been a fucking retard many times before apparently) it's my own fault for winding him up so much - not his for reacting in a completely inappropriate way to things that wouldn't even register as annoyance on a normal persons radar.

So, yes, it's not me is it? I'm so fed up of crying. I'm 6 months pregnant and have a v nearly 2 year old ds.

I have family I can go to - they are an hour away though in the middle of nowhere so once I'm out there I'm stuck as I don't drive.

Money wise, I'm a sahm/self employed and don't really have any income (winding down work due to pregnancy and him making it so bloody hard to work at weekends) - he covers my outgoings and a loan repayment (finishes next year)

I do own my own flat which is currently rented out

He wasn't like this when we met no. He said last week he's never been with anyone else as long as we have been (but now I'm starting to see why)

I don't see physical violence coming any time soon, but he's got worse since this pregnancy. Apparently it's my own problem that I had terrible ms etc and I just have to get on with it etc. DS is a very early riser etc and I haven't had one lie in in the past 6 months.

This is where your dh is repeating abuse that he has been subjected to or witnessed as a child and he is now projecting that onto you.

Your own children are at risk of becoming just as abusive as their father unless you manage to do something to remove the abuse permanently.

Lots of women minimise this and try to convince themselves that their lovely dc won't turn out like daddy etc but believe me that where it all starts, how it begins, manifests itself once they are on relationships of their own.

So sad. I wish the government would do some form of campaign on the cycle of abuse. This is the very reason why SS try to remove children from abuse, because the cycle repeats itself. They try to break the pattern.

So whatever you do OP please do not tell yourself you will stay for the dc because this is the last thing they need.

Good luck

witch - there's only ever the fridge running and one other on at any one time, I suspect ds flipped the tumble dryer on when we were out putting washing on and blew the fuse. Not that it matters, it's hardly worthy of getting called a fucking retard for

Why won't your dh give you a lie in?

Sounds to me like he realised it was easy for you to escape with one dc. In tow so here you are pregnant again and he's turned up his nastiness a notch.

What a loser. He thinks he's got you where he wants you. Two dc. She won't leave.

Witchway

Sorry if I was lecturing you OP. I just want you out of there, I'm glad you realise you deserve better xx

The very fact that you have had to ask whether his behaviour is really unacceptable shows just how ground down you have become

It will have been gradually increasing for ages - "the boiling a frog" analogy - start with cold water, then it won't notice & jump out till it's really being hurt

He's an arsehole. Would you tolerate him talking to your DCs like this? He will eventually talk to your babies like this. Those words take years to heal from. He has no respect for you - and from the ugly words he uses against you, he never will because you 'allow these words' (what he'll be thinking)
You are being verbally, mentally and emotionally abused. It's not long until it escalates

please look at woman's aid as suggested up thread.

Jesus Christ that is not normal or allright.

Get away please

Even if your family is an hr away in the middle of nowhere you would be safe and your babies would be safe. You can learn to drive and there are organizations that can help you. All you have to do is ask.

Nobody deserves to be abused and you are being mentally and verbally abused. I hope you leave before the physical abuse starts and trust me it will. I used to be in law enforcement and every woman I ever talked to about DV, said they never thought their OH would hit them, or they deserved it, or it ONLY HAPPENED ONE TIME.

PLEASE DON'T LET THIS BE YOU. Sorry for yelling, but please for your children get out while you can.

What a horrible man, hope you are able to get away ASAP. I grew up in a house with domestic abuse, it has such a lasting impact on children.

lotsoftoast - I'm kind of speechless, wondering what the hell you're doing there? Do you really really want to be there? What is your instinct saying?

Please please get out of this..take yourself and your children far away from this man..the fact that you are having to ask if this is right is proof enough that he has eroded your self esteem to the point where you just accept this abuse! Believe me I spent 12 years with a man who belittled me and called me names on daily basis..it is horrendous..I would beg you just get out for your own sanity xx you don't deserve this and your children certainly don't deserve to watch their mother being verbally abused..I'm so sorry this is happening to you x

Run. The beatings will start before DC2 is a month old.

OP, get out of there.

Lotsoftoast, are you OK?

he sounds a complete dick, get away asap.

I'm 'fine'. Just getting my head round all this and making the beginnings of a plan. Even when you 'know', it's still a lot to process.

Oh good, you have a flat. So next opportunity you have, take your son, and all the documents that you need, including bank account statements etc, get the fuck out of there. Give notice to your tenants and move back into your flat as soon as you can.

A pla well executed can be made quite quickly, stay with family in the interim. Dont spend ten years of your life on this plan, ten days if you must.