Oh god....all over the place :(

[chestnut100]

I don't know what I'm asking here, I just need to talk. My rl friends would go apeshit with me if I said what I'm about to say.

About 8 years ago, a 6 year relationship came to an end. I loved this guy like I'd never loved anyone. It was by my own admission, deeply unhealthy in terms if the hurt it caused me throughout, however I do believe he was a good man and our relationship was doomed only by circumstance.

When it ended I was utterly broken, to the extent I was physically unwell. I tried to put him out of my mind and even married, but have always known that I have never met anyone, including my husband, who I loved like I loved him.

It took at least four years before he stopped bring in my thoughts daily. My marriage failed in this time. I've moved on. Until I bumped into him today. It felt like I'd gone back in term 8 years. We barely spoke due to the circumstances of our meeting (him at work) but I felt like I'd been punched in the face. I still love him. I realise now he probably will be the love of my life. I can't imagine feeling about anyone the way I did about him. I feel sick, I can't get him out of my mind. I could easily be in touch with him...but it would be lethal.

I'm so, so sad tonight

Thanks sickoffrozen. He really did lead a double life. I look back and what he got away with is really mind blowing. I feel sad I allowed my life to go on like that for years. That's why I find my response difficult to process

chestnut - it won't feel like it but it's probably good that this happened. You're right, one way or another you have to process it to do that releasing stuff. Do it kindly, gently and with the utmost forgiveness of yourself.

We all do crazy stuff in the name of Passion. We are passionate creatures. We learn how to deal with ourselves. This is part of your learning about you. My advice would be to make it NOT about him at all

I'd just like to thank you all for your kind, wise words. It has all helped and I feel much, much calmer today. Thanks to those who understood

You reap what you sow OP, you are to blame so is he, this is the consequence of falling for someone who is not available. You only ever had him on a p/t basis and have no idea how things would've panned out had you both been free to be together. You sound like a very romantic idealistic person whose notions are not necessarily corresponding with real life if that makes sense.

Count your lucky stars, he clearly wasn't and won't be the love of your life, his unobtainability was probably what makes you think it was more than what it actually was.