What is this called, if anything?

[okeydonkey]

When you are upset with your partner and tell them, probably less calmly than you should.
But instead of accepting it or listening and having a discussion or response about the problem they just focus on your less than calm attitude.
Me "I'm so cross that you did this, it's really upset me, we've discussed this before and you promised you wouldn't"
Him "look at you, you are all in a state, you don't know how to have a conversation, you just get wound up,sort yourself out"
Does this have a name? Is it controlling? Or normal?
Me " well I'm sorry but this has made me so cross and hurt"
him "you need to control yourself"
Me getting angrier "please listen to the problem rather than my mood, or course I'm angry, listen to me"

Deflecting?

The bit where I say "is this controlling" was meant to go at the end.

Ah deflecting? But is it part of usual arguemts? Or would it be abusive ?

It's called.. dicing with fucking death.. in my house, I don't know what its actually called but my ex used to do it and I hated it.

I have a short fuse which he plays with as this is what he does until the absolute end where I manage to explode, then I feel awful and out of control. I feel guilty when I've calmed then its all about me apologising for my Anger

Deflection.

He can't handle criticism/blame, so must deflect it by piling criticism/blame on you and making that the focus of discussion instead.

That's awful then, as I have such low self esteem. I grew up with critical mother.

When he does it, don't get blown off course trying to fend off his accusations. Just keep stating "I want to talk about [x action you just did]. It makes me feel [emotion]. I need you to do [other thing] instead"

Thanks goats. I will try to