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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

HE'S DONE IT AGAIN!!!!!

26 replies

babywhiting · 05/10/2006 11:13

I haven't changed my name as i don't care who knows me!!! im so angry and alone...! my Dp has been on the internet again using faceparty for women and meet me hot or not!

he has had text messages with women in the past and he said sorry and changed his number.

now he's done this what do i do???

we have a baby of 3 months and i have 2 children from previous! please help do i confront him?

OP posts:
marymillington · 05/10/2006 11:15

what a berk

have you asked him why

Original poster
babywhiting · 05/10/2006 11:16

im scared to!!! i was on his laptop not mine (he uses mine but i dont often use his)

OP posts:
Original poster
babywhiting · 05/10/2006 11:24

do i confront him or not? all i want to do is cry

OP posts:
ThomBat · 05/10/2006 11:26

I think you have to confront him don't you? How can you not? You'll explode, and it needs to be sorted.
So sorry

Pinotmum · 05/10/2006 11:27

I'd hve to confron thim

cowmod · 05/10/2006 11:27

what s face party?

cowmod · 05/10/2006 11:27

do i have to google?

Original poster
babywhiting · 05/10/2006 11:28

how do i say i was using his laptop and not my own... im so scared!

OP posts:
CristinaTheAstonishing · 05/10/2006 11:29

If you don't say anything now, when? Will you just torment yourself everytime he gets a text message thinking it might be from someone he met off the internet?

bluejelly · 05/10/2006 11:29

Tell him yours wasn't working

CristinaTheAstonishing · 05/10/2006 11:30

You just used his laptop, it's not under lock and key.

cowmod · 05/10/2006 11:30

whats a face party

alittleBITEshy · 05/10/2006 11:32

think it's a kind of dating thing cod - poss with photos so yu can see who you're talking to? non?

anniediv · 05/10/2006 11:33

Goodness me!!

face party

Babywhiting, he is an arse, especially if he has apologised for this before.

Bugsy2 · 05/10/2006 11:45

babywhiting - I think you need to have a think about what you want to achieve out of any confrontation.
Do you think that your DP is a serial flirt or do you think the texts & online stuff are indicative of affairs?
If he is a serial flirt, you may never be able to change that.
How is your relationship otherwise?

Original poster
babywhiting · 05/10/2006 12:26

he hasn't had any texts for some time now ...yes i do check his listing and he doesnt know how i get them.
he is normally very loving and a great dad to all 3 kids.
yes he was a flirt and has changed alot but this concerns me alot and i dont know what to do he keeps asking me whats wrong as im very quiet so i said got a headache.

OP posts:
Original poster
babywhiting · 05/10/2006 13:03

its driving me mad!

OP posts:
fifiandtheflowertots · 05/10/2006 13:11

i couldnt read this without posting.
I have very recently been through exactly the same thing. I found my dh has posted on dating sites,face party and had emails off people wanting to meet up.
I had to confront him about it as i couldnt even look at him without wanting to kick his head in
He had registered for them when he was with his exdp and apparently the sites send you emails offering discounted subscriptions and stuff and thats what was in his email account.
We are over it now but i do know how you feel, its the worst feeling in the world.
Tbh i dont think he can even question whay you were on his laptop after youve discovered something like that. My dp hasnt even asked how i know about what was in his email account, its obvious i looked at it but he hasnt even mentioned it.
sending you ((((hugs))))

Original poster
babywhiting · 05/10/2006 13:27

thanks fifi i just feel like everything he tells me is lies i've given him so many chances but women aren't friends they are aquaintances ...what a load of crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i know they send stuff but he has changed his email account so how can he possibly get them now???

OP posts:
fifiandtheflowertots · 05/10/2006 13:36

Can you not just sit him down and say that youve seen some stuff and you want to know whats going on?
I would have thought that if he's got a new email account he must have updated his profiles with it coz messages dont just turn up.
I know my dh had his email account from years ago and when i looked at it, there were hundreds of messages in it that hadnt been read. He said that the last time he used it was before we got together.
I do believe him but its so hard, you always wonder if they have been back on it.
Now he never goes on the internet unless im there, and i get his mobile bill every month so i can see if there are any chatlines on it.
Its horrible i know but it does take a while to learn to trust again.

dislexicicecream · 05/10/2006 21:01

i had something like this happen to me while ago while i was pregnant!
and now we r finished as he did nouthing but lie to me and i new deep down that he was talking poo, in the end he confesed and asked for a second chance i toled him we had alot of talking to do b4 i could say yes and he couldnt face that and vanished !
at the time i was 8 mounths preg and allredy had 2 other kids (i only had number 3 cos he talked me into it over the space of 3 years) anyways i felt like my life was over, i relly didnt want to go on alone but lucky for me we live in a grate country that offers alot of help and can aford us to survive with out a man,
ok, im NOT telling you to finish with him, but i have to say you dont trust him at all and i think u r right not to if your gut is telling you something is up then u shuld listen to it, trust is something that is near inpossable to re biuld, when 2 people first meet the trust is on 0 after time togever it goes up after getting messed about on it goes to -100, wat is there with out trust?
also i noticed in one of your posts u wrote that : how do i say i was using his laptop and not my own... im so scared!
i dont know what it is that scares u about him but i dont think any one shuld ever feel scared in a relationship, u deserve to feel safe and secure, safe that u can look at his things with out truble or safe that he is not always looking for some one better or what ever it is ,
you need to follow your gut instinct and be honest with him about what you have found out.
i relly do feel for u, and like i said i went through something very like this my self just a cupple of mounths ago, good luck x

billiejo · 05/10/2006 21:13

blimey, i've just clicked the face party link and it says "welcome back" does that mean it's been accessed before from this computer?? sorry to kinda hijack...

dislexicicecream · 05/10/2006 21:24

hi billiejo
i think u can relax there i just tryed it and it said wwelcome back to me to, and it is only me on this comp ever so i think it always says that

billiejo · 05/10/2006 21:35

oh god thanks dislexicicecream. that's put my mind at rest.
xx

Judy1234 · 05/10/2006 23:28

Poor you. You don't have to confront him although I'm sure that's what most people would do. Are there any other problems? Can you both try to do more things together, despite the new baby?

Also I'm single (divorced) and so many married men email me on line. It's appalling and so prevalent. I've had 1000 word educated essays justifying adultery (or trying to).

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