My father

[superbaghag]

I'm trying to make sense of why my father behaved the way he did. How he treated me and I'm wondering if there was a psychological/ mental health issue that wasn't diagnosed.

As a child he beat my mother, swore at us constantly, threatened me with a belt but never used it (there wasn't any need I was an extremely well behaved, yet terrified child). My mother left him and we went back so many times.

He was angry all the time. Short tempered and snappy. Never told me he loved me. He was aggressive in private but jovial with friends and family.

I'm sat here wondering was their an undiagnosed issue or was he just an abusive man.

You have no duty to your father. He was not a father in any real sense of the word.

You can explain to your mother and your sister how you feel about him and if they refuse to understand then it's their problem. They are choosing to help, that's their choice. They have no right to question your choices.

You do not need to rake up all the fear and misery of your childhood which would happen if you were in contact with him. He sounds awful. You have put it in the past where it belongs and are living your own life.

Thank you for posting about this. I am readying myself for my father's later years and Charley 's formulation helps.

' He created our non-relationship in my childhood. ' What a helpful mantra.

He may be ill but he is still an abusive wanker as shown by him calling you and shouting at you a month ago.

You owe him nothing.

Being unwell doesn't mean the slate is wiped clean or his vile behaviour never happened.

No one has the right to guilt or pressure you. What they do is their choice.

You duty is to your DC not abusive and manipulative people hours away from them.