What do you do if you're in love with someone...

[Ilovetomodell]

I fell in love with someone I worked with, pretty much the second or third time I met him, all of a sudden my heart was pounding, I couldn't speak - I had to sit down because my legs were shaking! Anyway we worked together and got on really well and before I really realised we were emailing each other all the time and he was the closest person to me. At the time I was married. I had known for about 6 years beforehand that I didn't really want to be with my husband, I had given him ultimatums to change or I would leave but nothing had come of it. When I met this man it gave me the strength to leave, not for him, because as youve already probably guessed he was married too, but because it made me realise that I wanted to care for someone again, I didn't want to be the unhappy person I was in my marriage.

So I left. At the same time my friend separated from his wife, and we got together. I was so happy and for a moment thought we had a chance of a normal happy relationship. But it was short lived he went back to his wife, he says because they have very young children. Since then we have kept in touch, but I have been on my own for what seems a long time. I have tried Internet dating but hated it. The truth is I still love him and no one else compares. We still work for the same company but I am thinking of leaving. He wants to be friends but I'm not sure if I can, and everyday I think of him and miss him. I don't know what to do.

Lemisscared you're harsh, but spot on. I've always felt grateful for his attention and affection, so that needs to stop. I shouldn't feel sorry for him, there have been times when he has treated me really badly, I'd get upset , he would then back off and ignore me until afew weeks have gone by and I would apologise for being upset and ask if we could be friends again..oh dear seeing this in black and white I can't actually believe this is me.

Time to take control of your life. You deserve better. Block his number . contact only for work.if it's feasible new job. The best revenge is a life well lived. Hes not worth anymore tears

I've failed miserably, he's been texting me loads and I have replied. I suggested meeting up for a drink, and he said although he would love to he knows I'll get upset and he doesn't want that...wtf?? No contact since then.

I don't know whether he actually enjoys just tormenting me. I feel so lonely. Any advice would be welcome.

He is obviously trying to make you his bit on the side.

If you're the fool he is treating you as then you will accept being this. If you carry on like this I don't think anyone here will have much sympathy for you. Block his number, tell him to piss off and leave you in peace, develop some self esteem please.

Yep, he is playing you and enjoying the resultant drama. I know it's really, really hard - but you need to block him, or change your phone, and tell him to leave you alone once and for all. You could always csll his bluff and say that your friends are so worried about you that they are threatening to tell his wife if he doesn't leave you alone - but remember that he is not going to leave his wife, but is quite happy to have the security of a marriage and the excitement of an affair. You deserve more than this - you know you do.

Keep picking the left overs it is great for your self esteem.

OP you know the answer in your heart. New job. No contact. Good luck

Delete his number. Just cut off all contact and start looking for a new job. Try and see it as a fresh start.

He doesn't love you, if he did he would respect that he has chosen not to be with you and you deserve better than to be strung along by him. He is not your friend, a friend would treat you with kindness and respect. Instead he is treating you as an ego boost to be picked up and dropped whenever he feels like it.

*delete and block

I think it might help if you let go of the idea that he went back to his wife because of the children. He went back because he wanted to be with her, not you, as he could still be a dad without being her husband. Only a very weak man uses his kids as an excuse, and I'm sure we've heard all the excuses on here: When they are older... when they've finished their exams.... when they've left home... etc. It's the excuse that never ends, but a very simple translation is they are not leaving, ever, kids or not, unless of course the wife kicks them out.

I think he's being appalling to you and his wife and you'd both be better off without him.

I can't cut him out of my life completely because of work, and because he is a lot more senior than me, I also don't want to totally fall out with him. But I do think if I just ignored any messages, he would stop.

It's really painful to think of him and his wife but I am slowly realising that I have been completely deluded and he never felt anything near what I felt for him. It's sad because he saw first hand how difficult it was when I was separating from my husband, but that hasn't stopped him heaping more misery on me.

I suspect that if word got out at work that you were having an affair (or had one) and that he'd gone back to his wife but was still contacting you, he'd soon find a way to leave you alone.

As it is, he's enjoying the drama of the forbidden love affair, whilst enjoying the security of a wife and family - and even though you are 'available' (as in, you've left your husband), he still can't/won't leave her.

You couldn't offer him any more if you tried - and he couldn't offer you any less.