I'm terrified and scared and feeling all crap...

[rosie79]

I'm relatively new to MN, I'm having a really bad day and feel awful, it's a long story but I feel the need to get it out so here goes.
I was in a bad relationship for 3 years with a very manipulative clever man who was violent and really damaged my self-esteem. I left two years ago and have changed so much, regained my confidence and love of life and moved and made loads of new friends. I'm laid back and generally enjoy life, but this has taken work and effort on my part and I have been single throughout, and concentrated on being a really good mum to ds.
The thing is, I have now met a lovely man who I get on really well with, he asked me the other day if I'd go out with him as he really likes me and wants a serious relationship. This was all great as I feel the same way and he truly is lovely and kind.
Today though I'm feeling quite terrified about getting into another serious relationship and all the feelings I felt when in past relationship have surfaced. I'm crying for the first time in months...My ex told me frequently when I was with him that no-one else would ever want me, and especially not with a child too, and I keep thinking about this and thinking my new boyfriend will soon realise he's made a mistake and leave me and I'll have to go through the hurt all over again. I'm also scared I'll make a mistake again, I guess I'm finding it hard to trust any man after what I went through, my ex was also a compulsive liar...
Sorry, I'm just confused and scared and really didn't think these feelings would all surface after so long as I thought I'd got over it. Maybe I'm just having a bad day. I want to trust men again, but at the same time am scared of that trust being abused again. Needed to get it all out though
These things do get easier though right?

I think you should read through your thread. You are a new person now and have confidence in yourself. Take things slowly and don't put too much pressure on yourself. Go for one date, don't think about long term, you're in control.

I have never been in an abusive relationship so I don;t understand but I think it might be that the abuse could continue long after the abuser goes. Don't let him keep you scared.

Thinking of you. (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

Rosie,
Give him a go. You don't even have to feel serious about it at the beginning. Have a drink with him. You don't have to sleep with him if you don't want to. Tell him, not the whole story, but just that you feel a bit wary of taking things too fast.

I can tell you that there are men out there who want to be nice to you and don't want to hurt you. I had a pretty dreadful track record of choosing exactly the man who'd make me feel sh*te, and then when I'd reached rock-bottom I allowed a nice man to show an interest in me for once. We've been together for around six years now and have a five year old and a three year old. He drives me up the wall sometimes and yes, any row immediately triggers my fears that 'right this is it, we'd better split up NOW' but he's also the first man I've ever been involved with whom I trust implicitly not to go off with another woman and to stick by me.

I hope this helps.

Why not tell him what you've told us?

He's tgold you he'd like to go out. Why not go out w/him, and tell him, 'I like you, I have been hurt in the past, though, and so I'm a bit scared.'

Yes, things get easier.

But you gotta try them first!

Thank you all of you!
Moreteanyone you're right I am a new person now, the real me, and I am generally confident so I will remember this!

We are taking things slowly, he is in no rush and hasn't put any pressure on me to sleep with him or anything, seems just happy in my company. Have already told him I want to take things slowly as am a bit weary and he's lovely about it, but that doesn't stop me being scared!

Thanks motherinterior it's nice to hear that nice men are out there!

Expat I think I will talk to him! You're right, I've got to try these things for them to get better. But I don't want him to think I'm messed up with baggage or anything because I'm not (or I thought i wasn't!)