Orgasmless sex

[StirredNotShaken]

Is this normal?! I am in a relationship with a lovely man, all is fine and dandy and we are very attracted to one another, however the last few times we have had sex neither of us has 'finished'. Is this normal? We both enjoy one another and I have no complaints as such but it is getting a little frustrating now and I have mentioned it, in a jokey way. I think we are both tired half way through :-) He is very 'perky' so it is not lack of libido. Anyone had this situation and what did you do?

Yes being used to your 'own company' can be an issue. I was single for ages and couldnt orgasm for a while with my partner (and when I did it wasnt that great). Took a lot of trust building and learning to relax with someone.

Reallly?! I'd not considered that! He was single for 4 years so that would make sense, though he is extremely busy and constantly knackered (another factor). I think I could climax with him if he kept doing what he was doing rather than flagging and stopping. What should I do to resolve the situation tough?! Can I?

Joe3578 are you a male Joe or a female Jo? It'd be great to hear this from a male perspective!

Male Joe! :)

Basically I think I was so used to bringing myself to orgasm that I found it hard to adjust to having one with someone else...if that makes sense. Then I got tense and keyed up and it got worse

oh now that adds a new element to the convo! Are you gay/straight? I'm not being intrusive and you need not answer, but just would be so good to get a man's perspective

I'm straight. and please ask away! :)

My dp had become very good friends with his right hand when I met him, two years later piv is still not the most likely to make either of us climax but he's definitely a lot more receptive to it now than he used to be.

If it is that, then lots of gentle loving should help. My dp also insists on making sure that I'm completely satisfied before concentrating on his own pleasure so that there's no danger of him being done before me.

If you're not finishing through sex then perhaps your dp could use other means to make sure you're happy first and then the piv (or whatever he fancies) is more about doing what it takes for him, rather than feeling pressured to do something that works for you both simultaneously.

so you had a bit of a hiatus..... Anyway, we are very attracted to one another, I am reasonably attractive, in good shape - that is important to me, I love being naked and close to him and we do turn each other on. I don't think we are tense, in fact initially contact (which we waited a decent few dates for) was fantastic! But now, it is still a beautiful thing but we cannot seem to conclude events. i always want more. But don't want to make it an issue nor do I want him to feel keyed up. I have uttered the phrase...... during sex but only out of passion and not out of pressure, Do you thnk he feels pressured!?

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair piv???? waht is that?

Men can feel under enormous pressure to come. Whenever I don't i feel a bit inadequate. So that can lead to a kind of performance anxiety.

But we tried different things like just enjoying touch, or masturbating next to each other, and that eventually led to orgasmic sex. Talking helped.

Oh God! I don't want him to feel pressured. i only want him to come because I love it when that happens and am assuming so does he. When neither of us do I never make a deal, because , quite frankly, at the time it is not a deal. I love being with him, near him and just all the physical contact is gorgeous, but I want him to enjoy that moment because he has earned it (so to speak), I would not like him to concentrate on me first because then I would feel pressured! Like I was taking too long!

I think this is the problem. Both people can feel the pressure. The key is to discuss this and then just relax! :)

oh shit, I don't want him to feel in the slightest bit pressured. My post was more out of concern that maybe he was not enjoying it which is in turn frustrating because then I don't know whether or not to pursue things or if he is just tired. Do men actually welcome talk about it? I think I would feel uncomfortable saying more than I already do....

All that travelling and limited time sounds like a big problem. You really do need to get away together where you can totally relax.

i agree Sallyingforth - impossible at the moment sadly

In the meantime, keep hold of what you have.
It sounds like a good relationship if you both enjoy it. Lots of people who post here with their problems would be jealous of you!

Thank you, It really is worth working at Sallyingforth

yy to mutual masturbation. I, as a woman, am too used to my own company, and that is something I've found helpful.

Avoiding adding more pressure is important. Part of that is accepting that sometimes, all you get is the equivalent of a teenage make out session. If you maintain an overall attitude of feeling like whatever you get in your little time available is happy and fun, and try other orgasm methods, it should let you guys relax, long term.

It's actually maybe good you guys get to deal with this issue early in your relationship. Many couples don't until it comes along with ageing, and after decades of smooth sailing and knowing what each other likes, the need for new habits and methods can seem very disruptive.

Definitely talk about it! People don't talk - they just clam up, and that's when there's probs. Once you talk it's such a relief in my experience. Can't speak for your OH, but I feel very relieved if given the opportunity to discuss something like that. Had some probs lately in that area that have just been made much better by a good chat. :)

Thanks all, I think i get embarrassed discussing what should come naturally which is ridiculous at ours ages! (49 and 53). Early on in our relationship he said that i could ask him or tell him anything, just anything. He is a very open and balanced person which is such a revelation to me anyway. We are meeting at the weekend, I think I will just go with the flow and then broach it if it happens again.

*Monagain18 - I like your approach to it, some you win some you lose type attitude. the thing is we always enjoy it anyway but it would be nice now and then.......:-)