My mum's phone calls

[CaptainPeacockinthestudy]

I'm feeling ratty. My elderly mum phone almost on a whim but I work from home. She calls me during the day- often I let the answerphone take it but it's still playing on my mind that I have to call her back- especially when she says 'please phone me when you can...'
She is married to my dad, has loads of friends (Dad complains to me about the deluge of phone calls made and coming in to the house all day long from Mum and her her friends.)

I work from home. Today I'm up against a deadline- writing for a national paper- and she's called and left a message. This is the 3rd time this week when she's called in the morning, and each time it was nothing that could not have waited until later in the day.

How can I tell her nicely not to ring me until after around 4pm without hurting her feelings? I've told her that I leave the phone on answerphone when I'm working, but she still rings and then I still feel under pressure to call her back, never knowing what she wants. Aaaaaaargh!

NannyOgg and drudgetrudy the OP hasn't suggested her DM is suffering with dementia or otherwise impaired. She has her DH for company and lots of friends. Why should the OP's career suffer just because her DM is a bit bored?

If the OP was a surgeon in an operating theatre all day, would you still think she should be at her DM's beck and call during her working day? What about if she were a teacher in the classroom? So what's the difference?

Respect has to be a two-way street and the mother is showing none for the daughter.

TeaForTara
You have not read my post properly-I suggested ringing back when convenient or regularly after work.
One poster had suggested "punishing" her mother by not phoning back at all if there had been a missed call during the day.
I thought this was a bit OTT and rather unkind.
Also the tone of that post made it sound as if OP's mother was a naughty toddler.
This was not OP's own post by the way.
Unless there is a history of a very poor relationship I don't think 10 mins per day to phone 87 year old mum (at a convenient time) is much to ask.

OP is fortunate that her Mum is still relatively well at 87-take a look at the elderly parents threads where people are juggling hours and hours of care with full time jobs and teenagers-or battling with social services and care homes.
I did suggest just ignoring calls at inconvenient times and not feeling guilt about it.

Well I wish my Mum and Dad would phone me up occasionally. I am 65 and have parents in their mid 80's. We try to visit them as often as we can. Since I was in my 30's I have lived a fair distance away from them. Not the sort of distance where you can just pop and see them.When I first moved away they didn't have a phone but soon had one installed. I phone them on a regular basis every Sunday evening ( we are on the phone for about an hour catching up), occasionally in between but if I don't phone them they would never think to phone me. If anything happens that I should know about they save it until I ring them. Even my brother who lives not far from them doesn't let me know.

If you do not live close to each other

Although you may find it irritating, a few phone calls is not much to contend with considering the age of your parent - in the big scheme of things

People are living longer with more complex needs, that change over time

I am hoping that you can think about the phone call in a more positive way

I think you may need to add the CLI (caller line identification)onto your phone, I think you have to pay for it per month eg BT and other phone providers. Then you need a phone with a display on it