So the GP won't sign my legal aid form

[TtipParty]

Basically he says there isn't enough evidence to prove i've experienced physical, sexual and emotional abuse from h. I suppose I should've expect this because I never actually went to the police when he tried to suffocate me, or all the times he groped me without my consent, or when he used to take me by the arms and shake me, pushing me against the wall. GP says he only has my word to go on, and that's not enough.

I've filed a complaint, but not sure if I should hold out any hope of it being upheld or acted on? To be more specific, he said he could agree that my anxiety (or 'only anxiety' as he put it) was consistent with domestic abuse, but he couldn't agree that he was satisfied it wasn't due to 'something else'. I asked him what else he thought it could be caused by, and he said he didn't know, could be anything, and his job had to be evidence based.

Ttip I'm so sorry, and I really understand your anger. I didn't even bother with the gp as solicitors told me this would be the case. I am now in the situation where I have to wait for my ex to do something before I can get a non mol and then get legal aid.

Is your ex still being abusive now? Is he harrassing you in any way? If so could you speak to the police and start an investigation into da? According to the solicitors I have spoken to, this would then enable a person to get legal aid.

Disclaimer - I am purely going on the info I have been given, I'm sorry if anything is incorrect.

Ach tTip, rant away. I feel your anger and I totally understand it. It's a huge kick in the teeth to start speaking up and get made to feel like you should have just stayed quiet. Or worse, that no one believes you.

I have no idea about the red tape etc or how to give you advice that would be helpful other than to echo woman's aid.

In terms of the anxiety, please do see a different GP. Whether the gp did something wrong or not is not really important now but you feeling comfortable to talk about your anxiety is. Don't give up on treatment.

And well done for speaking up.

I think of you went to a different doctor and tales only about the symptoms you have, telling the doctor about the abuse, it would be very easy to them go to that doctor a few weeks later and say that you've had enough and can't live with your DH, but would need legal aid. Would they sign the letter?

That would be the easiest way to proceed.

The thing is,we've been separated a while, -he's still being a bastard but I managed to finally get through to him,about the groping about 3 months ago. Shortly after he tried to suffocate me in my sleep, I believe. Thinking back I did go to a local thing for separated parents shortly after we split, when I was very distressed about the whole thing. I denied any dv though. Maybe it's worth getting back in contact with them and seeing if they remember me.

I disagree, your word is good enough, and if a GP has to "stand up in court" he could quite rightly say that this is what you reported when you presented to him in your surgery and there was no evidence to doubt what you were saying. He is being asked to support a legal aid form, an application for help form the state (which you are entitled to) not be an "expert witness" in a court case. Consultants or specialists act as expert witnesses in the unlikely even that one should be called, not GPs.
I would strongly advise you to seek help from a women's organisation and ask to see another GP.

lougle has it entirely right.

bunchoffices I think if you read my posts again you will see we are saying roughly the same thing.

I think you might have misinterpreted my last post in particular.

Fwiw TtipParty, you didn't actually do anything wrong, you just have a GP who won't play ball. He is at fault here, not you. You cannot be expected to know in advance the best way to get a legal aid letter out of a doctor.

As I have said above, your GP does not need 'proof', he does not need 'evidence', all he is required to do in this situation is to write a letter stating that you told him you were being abused. That's it. And he won't.

That's why I suggest trying another doctor.

twinkle I'm sorry but that's not right.

You can't just tell your GP and he signs the letter on the spot. What would be the point of that?

The GP is confirming in his capacity as a medic that he has seen you in the past two years for something that you said at the time, or are saying now was caused by DV.

The fault here lies not with the medical profession, but the reduction in public funding for DV cases, which now requires supporting third party documentation.

Yep, lougle is quite correct, and this sounds like scenario 3. Sorry, OP.

look, my (psychological) wounds are sore enough, would you lot stop with the salt already?

You can't just tell your GP and he signs the letter on the spot. What would be the point of that?

That's not what I said.

In scenario 3 of Lougle's post, a sympathetic GP, who believes the patient, may write a non-template letter, simply stating the facts of when they were told of the anxiety, when they were told of the abuse, as per the BMA guidelines:

'Where a patient has been examined in the last 24 months, but there is no clear information in the notes that the patient at the time informed the doctor they were suffering domestic violence, but are doing so now, doctors are advised to state the facts as they understand them and avoid interpretation.'

I've seen it done.

Go and see another doctor.

TELL them that you are reporting DV and that you need help recovering, ask for counselling. Explain that you have covered it up in the past because you were frightened of repercussions/fallout/humiliation.

you will not - by any stretch of the imagination - be the first. We NONE of us admit to DV/DA until we are ready.

Get yourself on the Freedom Programme.

Look at this from now on as an evidence gathering tool.

Register the (historic abuse) get it on record. Report every single incident of harassment. Ask for counselling, keep going back and back to your Dr every time anything happens. Start NOW.

I know this seems contrived, but you won't get lawyers giving you legal aid unless you can prove you are entitled. I know it's 'wrong' but it is what it is. You can turn this round.

I didn't need legal anything, we weren't married, had no shared anything. If I had have had to dissolve a partnership, I would have been MORE stuffed than you think you are. Not once in the 10 years of abuse were the police called, not one comment of any note made to the authorities. Much of the worst abuse happened abroad. My family refused to support/believe me. I was utterly alone.

I know you feel idiotic, that is part of the fallout of an abusive relationship. accept it and put all your energy into recovery and ensuring that this NEVER EVER HAPPENS AGAIN.

Freedom Programme. I know I have said it, but will say it again. it's not the golden bullet, but it helps. you need therapy too, proper DV therapy not CBT. Womans Aid can help you find the right support for you.

This is not The End of your life as you knew it, it is THE BEGINNING of your own life. You will find that there are steps along the way, and after each step, there will be another one, until you are back up to where you need to be.

If you are in Hampshire, I know of a charity that runs free DV support sessions. They were VITAL in my recovery.

Oh and read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft - it will release you from the blame you are buckling under. Trust me. best single thing I ever did.

oh and posting here....

At one point I was attending the FP, attending private therapy which I had to pay for at £45/hour) and also the group therapy AND I posted on here for support AND a DV survivors FB group. At one point EVERYTHING I did was about recovery and protection for the future. That effort in itself used to make me LIVID! The people that abused and neglected me were not spending time, fuel, money, but were the people that had caused my pain and suffering, that I was paying to treat.

Stop fighting us and fight the fallout of the abuse. No-one knows how to handle abuse when they are in it, if we did, we would not have been in the abusive relationship in the first place.

You didn't do this. He did. We are ALL behind you here and want you to rise back up.

You tell us we should walk a mile in your shoes... we have done. You need to walk the next miles IN OURS, trust us, let us guide you, and then you will be healthy, happy and free.

It's not about what you have done, or what has happened, this is not about blaming you, it's about helping you with the next steps that will secure your futures.

Let me know if you want the Free group info?

Hissy, I'm not in Hampshire, but thanks for the offer.

A lot of what you've said rings true for me. I'm so determined to never get into another abusive relationship again. But then i've already realised that i'm putting up with more crap from someone else i am/was vaguely interested in than I really should. And we're not even in a relationship. It's not DV, or even EA, but I should know enough by now to know how these things start.

And you're right, I need to get on to the Freedom Programme, so that my boundaries are solid from this point on, and that no-one who doesn't measure up can ever get close to me again. For the dcs sakes as much as mine.

Abuse victims are vulnerable. I'd advise you to swear off all relationships for the time being and focus on recognising your boundaries. then policing them.

You will in time notice perhaps that OTHERS take advantage of you too, family, friends, the first thing you learn is how to say no.

that is all well and good, but then comes the time to say YES... but that is not not the phase you are at yet.

First things first, well done for getting yourself and your DC out. you have just done the very best thing for all of you. Never forget this.

I'be only read the OP, but the problem is not your GP, it's the Government for whittling away access to justice for a large proportion of the population and forcing people to jump through ridiculous hoops.

OP, I'm sorry that you're stuck in such an awful situation.