Porn - such a cliche!

[Tuliptastic]

Have NC for this as I'm so ashamed. I'll try not to make this too long.

Married 7 years, together 18 years, two very young DC. I always thought DH and I were best friends, been together since teens. He's never been affectionate unless he wants sex, which has lead to some reluctance on my part over the years, but I really put it down to it being just the way he's wired iyswim. Sex life has improved recently despite young DCs.

BUT, after I accidentally found some porn on his iPad we had it out and he promised it wasn't often and was at a time our sex life was struggling (I know, I know, blaming me!). However, on looking through all our computers, the stuff is everywhere, but he just minimises it and says it's not a problem and he's not a misogynist

I also found on the website data on his iPad that he'd accessed adultfriendfinder and webcam stuff, he refuses to admit this. He also has 2 email addresses that he constantly changes the passwords to.

I'm coming to terms with the fact that my husband is not the man I though and I can't be married to a man I don't trust and is such a misogynist. He travels for work and I just can't live with what he might be doing when he's away.

How do I start leaving this? My poor babies! I am heartbroken, but I know he won't change as he doesn't think he's done anything wrong, it's all my fault and if I put out more he wouldn't have to do it. I've tried to tell him (before I knew the extent of this) that he needs to be more emotionally available and affectionate, but he never changes.

Anyone know a good solicitor in the West Mids? We jointly own home, separate bank accounts. He won't leave so I guess I'll have to

And back at you Tulip. Good luck with it all, I'll be interested to hear how everything goes for you...

Tulip I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know its sort of accepted that most men look at porn at some stage or another, poss out of curiosity initially. Its what happens next that defines them. (In my case being told "ALL blokes look at porn ALL the time.... Don't be such a prude...... If you did that stuff then I'd be satisfied" etc etc.)

A techy question tho, that someone will be able to answer for me, as something from years ago has just sprung into my mind. Would a pop-up (of the 'meet local women for sex' variety) be listed in H's browsing history? It was definitely there and I'd parked it somewhere in a corner of my mind (bigger stuff going on) but I've just remembered it. And now feel rather sick.

The struggling to climax during actual sex is indicative of a porn habit OP. He's got (TMI) used to a heightened experience and the 'death grip' etc.
I think you are choosing the right path (to shrug this wanker off like a stained, bobbly, rancid old cardi) to be honest.

Or the struggling to climax might simply be that he doesn't orgasm easily with PIV sex, many people don't.

So instead of working through it and finding other ways to enjoy sex with the OP, he turns to porn. Same cake cut a different way.

How are you Tulip?

I'm surprisingly ok actually! I think being on my own this week has been good.

I saw a solicitor today and that just convinced me that if we don't work out I want to try to not involve solicitors. It was all about getting as much as I could and, for all his faults, he doesn't deserve that.

He knows we need to talk and he admitted he's let me down hugely, not just with the porn, but in taking what we have for granted and for deceiving me.

Anyway, we'll have our talk and I guess I'll make a decision eventually, but I'm not there yet. He knows that the emphasis is on him proving to me that our marriage is worth it, he knows my current position is that I don't think it is. I'd need to stop seeing him as a woman-hater and I don't see how that will happen.

So sorry OP but I think you should get an STD check (bearing in mind he has been trying to meet up with "local slags") before deciding what he does and doesn't deserve.