So, I'm 16 months into a relationship with this bloke. He is in his early sixties, I'm early fifties. I came out of a long term (20+yrs) partnership shortly before we got together. It was and is lovely to be in a warm, loving relationship. We get on like a house on fire, we have fun, lots of laughs and my mojo has returned bigtime!
But, he came with a lot of baggage which he told me about from the very start, some which I found abhorrent but could accept like previous infidelities. Some like ED due apparently to a back injury which I had absolutely no problem with and a lot of sympathy for him, over.
Other issues like smoking which I surprised myself over by not being bothered about in the slightest-he doesn't smell of smoke and isn't always rushing off for a fag. Drinking quite heavily, alone at home of an evening, which I worry about but figured it was under control and caused no issues to either of us. Extreme (to me) hoarding of loads of stuff in his small flat-car parts, equipment, broken electrical appliances due for the dump, ditto to be mended, old clothes no longer worn, models that he hasn't gotten around to making etc etc. Bad teeth and hasn't been to a dentist in years. Used porn- been on his own for a good few years.
We would get together at his place at weekends as I wasn't ready to introduce him to my children.
Occasionally these last issues have irritated me, but they weren't deal breakers however recently as we have talked about how our relationship could develop and we have had further complications with the erectile dysfunction, I have started to just want him to change his lifestyle. The smoking and drinking could be affecting the ED so perhaps he could consider cutting down/stopping. He has now met and gets on really well with my children but rarely stays overnight as he seems to prefer staying at home smoking and drinking on his sofa. He wouldn't want my children to visit his mess of a flat and neither would I, so......clear it up? Really bad dental abscess recently led to a very loose tooth but although he did ask me to find him a dentist, nothing has been done about it.
We've talked a bit about the ED recently and so I texted him about smoking affecting it possibly after posting on a thread about partners who smoke. This led onto me suggesting other possible improvements to our situation, which tbh were about him changing and he has flounced. Said sorry he's so disappointing and then text silence. I've said I love him but perhaps let's address the issues instead of taking the easy way out.
I don't know whether to accept our situation and carry on enjoying what we have or try and persuade him to work together on looking at these other issues.
Have I handled it really badly?