My Mother's Reaction to my Pregnancy!

[zazas]

Not to sure if I should laugh or cry.... Finally told my Mother by email (she lives in Texas - never, ever home) that I was pregnant (now 13 weeks!). This is her reply..... I just don't really know what to say. Feel like telling her what I really feel but then again can't really be bothered to have to justify my choices! Any opinions?
By the way a bit of history - 2 children by ex who cheated on me when married. Now with wonderful DP for over 3 years who has 2 children also from previous marriage - who live with BM but visit regularly.
"Was taken aback by the news of you expecting. I know you talked about it when I was over there visiting last year and I gave you my opinion that I did not think you should have another child, not that you had to take it but I had thought that if you and DP were to have a baby you would be married first. That was one of the things I was so proud of you and exh, getting married first and then having children. So much goes the other way now days, having children with no outshowing of commitment. Still you and DP made the decision and I hope all goes well."
That was it in its entirety. No congratulations etc Oh well......

Well Zazas, first of all congratulations - for being pregnant, and for being pregnant by a "wonderful" DP who, unlike your ex, presumably has never cheated on you.

How incredibly miserable ....... what difference does another child make to her ?

Thank you Catsmother. You are right that was a miserable response! Another child makes no difference to her and her life - she has only seen my 2 twice in 8 years and makes hardy any effort to keep in touch with us. I can only think it is because it will make her uncomfortable telling her friends about it because we are not married and they are all rather religious.... !

congratulations zazas!!
your mother's attitude stinks... like marriage makes ALL the difference clearly did the first time round!

and the 'commitment' your exh showed at getting married, obv not meant anything to him, so why should that be an issue...sorry if have overstepped mark

oh and of course, congrats!

when we told DP's parents about our first baby they didn't even reply, there was just a silence and then they talked about the garden and the weather. am sure us not being married was a big part of their non response.

just ignore her, congratulations and have a nice pregnancy.

Congratulations zazas! Why do mothers do this?! When I fell pregnant with DS2 my mother's reaction was "oh well, you're stuck with him now aren't you?" meaning I was stuck with XP who she hated.

Granted, the pregnancy was unplanned and, as things turned out, XP was an arse but I was happy when I found out and love DS2 dearly and wouldn't be without him.

Don't mums realise that it's a "fait accompli" and even if they have misgivings they should keep them to themselves unless asked for an opinion.

Enjoy your pregnancy and look forward to having your baby with your lovely DP who sounds as if he'll be a fantastic daddy.

Congrats zazas, she sounds a bit envoius if I say so myself. What a terrible shame that's the first thing she said.

On finding out I was pregnant my MIL said to me(yesterday) lets hope this one isn't a retard like the last

You're not alone in feeling disappointed.

zazas check out the ante natal threads you'll get heaps of support there too.
xxx

Thanks you have cheered me up! Got to run to get kids from school and sit through a governor's meeting - hopefully I can concentrate on it and not think about the reply I feel I will have to write!

By the way she is married to a divorced Father of 3! so her arguement is ull of holes from her own life experience - ahhhhh can't believe I am related to her!

don't waste your energy zazas. as long as your own little family is doing ok...

congrats..!

I would tell her " So you were proud on the fact I was married but to be married and then have kids means nothing....you and dh split..!"

Who's to say having a baby out of wedlock is a bad thing..? You may be together forever which then "pisses on her chips" with to regards to thinking children once married is ok..!!

Does that make sense..? Basicaly what I am trying to say is you can have kids and split whether you are maried or not. All that matters is that you offer your kids the best environment possible to grow up in. HTH. xx

Well congratulations zazas
My mothers reactions...

dd1 - over the moon
ds1 - suggested abortion
ds2 - I knew you would
dd2 - "Hells Teeth!" to which I put the phone down.

yeah but she's living in the bible belt now isn't she? that's a very very conservative area of the USA...

the most important thing is that you're happy about it (plenty of others will be too) - and I think hurrah to you!! congratulations!

zaza, first of all, congratulations

um, easy for me to say but, don't be too hard on her. at least she is being honest with you. her views are old-fashioned, but commonly held, and show she cares for your wellbeing. i'm sure that she will come round.

(i don't mean that i think she's right, by the way).

meggle - am horrified by your MIL

Zaza, congratulations!!!!!!!
But be very very careful. When ds1 was born he cried, of course, as babies do but the very next thing he did was ask for my marriage certificate!

sleepfinder - deep in the bible belt! I accept that she has her own beliefs and I usually choose to not go into areas where I know that she is blinded to see any reason and there are some wonderful examples! That is why I guess I probably won't reply and point out the obvious that marriage in my experience does not mean commitment nor does having children nor is it her experience or that of all 5 or her brothers and sisters!

Ironically we are planning on getting married but because my family and friends are so scattered (I'm a Kiwi) we hadn't as of yet worked out a good time (I know excuses, excuses). But as I am 38 we didn't want to wait for a baby for obvious reasons any longer....just reality!

She didn't want me to have another baby full stop really. I know that regrets having her third, my sister and thinks that one of the reasons my 1st marriage failed was because of my commitment to the children - as in I - gosh breastfed for 12 months! All this observed by one visit over 7 years and the odd telephone call!

I just could never not support my children and look for the positive.

I have to admit it does make me feel sad...

I would want to wave the baby under her nose and then snatch it away and say ' na na na-na naa' (thumb on nose gesture)
She does not deserve to enjoy the baby for that reaction.
She would not like any of my five then!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! FANTASTIC NEWS AND KISSES!