I'm not sure what to do about a problem I'm having with my DP.
He never ever shouts at me. Even when we disagree, he doesn't raise his voice to me, or call me names, or react angrily... Even when I'm being unreasonable he is very patient. I'm not frightened of him, I know in my bones that he would never ever hurt me.
But sometimes if he's pissed off because e.g. he can't find his old wage slips, he gets stroppy. He's not shouting at me, but he swears and slams about while he's looking for things. He sometimes swears at the cats. I was raised with a verbally and sometimes physically abusive father, and when he was in a bad mood, it was time to batten down the hatches because you never knew what he would do or say next, and what he would take offence at or attack you for.
And when my partner is stroppy, it makes me feel the same way I used to when my dad was on the rampage - scared. I've told my partner that it makes me tense, and he's horrified... in fact, even when he's in a strop about something random he'll stop and give me a kiss as he walks last because his bad mood is nothing to do with me. I don't think he realises just how much it affects me though, and I feel bad because I strop when things go wrong too (cursing if I drop a plate, that kind of thing). It seems harsh for me to say, "Never raise your voice in front of me because it reminds me of my dad" when I'm allowed to lose my rag at the dishwasher occasionally.
Dies anyone have any experience of things like this, or have any advice as to what I could do or say?