My Dad has been having an affair.

[emzickle]

This all came out two weeks ago, and It was me who sort of busted him.

I wasn't going to post about it on here, but I feel so totoally isolated and angry right now.

My parents have been together for over 20 years, and although they have always had quite a volitile relationship, it was like a passionate affiar between two teenagers - they never really acted like I thought all my friends parents did, they were always fun and exciting.

Dad works away during the week up North (he's MD of assive company and they relocated the offices.) to make it easier, my parents bought a flat up there so that mum could go stay with him some times, and dad wouldnt have to live in a hotel room.

8 weeks ago Dad slept with another one of the directors, (who is 20 years younger than my mum) and they've been seeing each other ever since.

Now my Dad refuses to give my mum any answers, like how can my mum just let him leave the house on a Monday morning, knowing he's going up there and will be with her, they are so unwilling to communicate properly.

There fighting has begun to turn physical, and its killing me to watch.

How can I offer support, whilst not getting involved? iIts really hurting watching them go through all this and I cant see any clear path to make it better?

I'm really sorry to hear about this emzickle. Don't really have any advice to give, but there's nothing you can do, they have to sort their own problems out. All you can do is not fall out with either of them if at all possible. Are they going to split, or does you dad think he's in a "having cake and eating it" situation long term?

I think all you can do is try and get them in the same room and tell them how their childishness is making you feel. Tell them that in hurting each other, they are hurting you too. Hopefully they'll come to their senses and sort out their differences in a more adult fashion.

You shouldn't have to support them, they should be thinking of you, not the other way round.

No experience myself, but a good friend found out his dad was having an affair with someone he'd met in his bible study group. (FFS)
He went home (an intercontinental trip), sat them down, and told them how disappointed he was in them. He said he knew he couldn't change anybody's mind, but it seemed nobody was going to tell them they were behaving like children and embarrassing themselves, so he had come to do it.
It didn't help them, but it made him feel better.
Sorry you're going through it.

How did you 'sort of bust him'?

My Dad had an affair when I was in my early 20's. It seemed so stragic and stupid because my parents had a 'good marriage'. they still communicated, did new things together, etc. It was on/off with lots of lying and betrayal for ages. My Mum was torn apart.

I did talk openly and frankly to my Dad - it made no difference at all. Isupported Mum. He didn't leave, he didn't stop, eventually she threw him out. Then, after 8 months, she had a very bad car crash, and he came back. KNocked back into his senses. They have been together again ever since.

It's hard, you may not be able to do anything except suport your Mum.

Get them to go to relate if you can.It will help

you need to talk with your dad, just you and him. see if youcan find out what this is all about. if its just a fling then you can steer them towards counselling, if its morethan that they need to discuss what happens fm now on.

the physical aspect needs to stop right now. i dont know which side the violance ois coming from, not that it matters, but whoever is doing it needs to realise how destructive this is.

i think it is going to take a long time and a lot of head and heartache but the first thing needs to be talking.