I need a severe talking to from you lot about men...

[weedinthepool]

I have previously posted about getting out of my very abusive relationship with my H. It took me a good couple of years but I'm out, nearly 8 weeks separated and have definitely made the right decision. I'm safe.

However after last weekend it is clear I am not learning any lessons and I need to seriously grow up and rethink my attitude to men. I went out for the first time, got very drunk, a 'friend' was very very complimentary, said he wanted to take me out, protect me etc, knows how shit my marriage has been and spent 3 hours persuading me to sleep with him. It was 10 years since I even kissed anyone except H. I eventually relented and of course he has now blown me off. I knew he would do, I don't trust any man but I still let him use my body for his own ends/gain.

If I'm brutally honest I got very little out of the whole experience apart from an ego boost and an epiphany that actually I'm totally vulnerable and men seem to be able to figure that out. So what can I do? How can I get to the point where I don't go to my default position of just letting men do what they like, sacrificing my feelings & self respect in the process? I hate hate hate that I have slept with him. I hate that my self respect and dignity is so low that I behaved in this way. I never want to go near another man ever again, how can I ensure I don't?

Ah, the good old barrier bonk. Believe me, I made a far worse choice for mine after my marriage ended, that had embarrassing repercussions for years. I wish I'd chosen more wisely, but what's done is done.

I want to hear about the embarrassment, kentishgirl. Its the less-honourable side of me, of course, but I do love the gossip...

I was wondering what

'embarrassing repercussions for years. I wish I'd chosen more wisely, but what's done is done'

was too? Intrigued.

You've done fabulously to get out of an abusive situation. You are strong and proud - put it down to experience and move on.

I haven't finished reading the thread I just want go add well done for escaping your abusive marriage. I ended s very unhappy marriage last year, this year I was talked into a very intense relationship by somebody I thought was a good friend. There was no alcohol involved, he told me what I wanted to hear and we had lots of sex which I wasn't getting in my marriage. He turned out to be nasty abuser. I guess what I'm trying to say Is that if you're vulnerable and feeling in need of attention you are more likely to be attractive to a certain type of man, time out and good self care needs to be our mantra as well as learning whatever we can about ourselves and about abusive men to help us to be safe in future.