Husband tried to lock me out

[yougotafriend]

We're separated but under the same roof for now.

I went out straight after work to a 60th birthday party came home at about 12.15 (would've been earlier but Halloween traffic was horrendous) and he'd attempted to lock me out by leaving a key on the lock on the inside of the door!!

He'd also turned the outside light off making it difficult for me to see and put the alarm on (we don't do this till the last person is home usually)

After I was safely tucked up in bed (separate rooms) I noticed a text from him from 12.11 saying "your not getting in stay somewhere else" I just replied with "oops" which I know was antagonistic but I'd had a drink. He come bursting into my room shouting "next time you go out, you stay out you slut"

My question is can he do this? House is in joint name. Should I phone 101 this morning for advice? I want to tell him I'll call the police if he tries that again.

He is not allowed to lock you out. Tell him you'll call the police if he does it again.

Are you having to wait for the house to be sold before you can live apart? Is there no way one of you can find somewhere else in the meantime? It sounds awful.

Wow, I'd have found it hard to sleep after that. I'd be putting a lock on my bedroom door today for a start.

He's not technically allowed to lock you out of your own home but, at the same time, trying to live under the same roof with someone in these circumstances is very stressful and tempers are likely to get frayed. Are you regularly subjected to verbal abuse? Was this a one-off? If you're frightened and/or if what happened is a frequent event then 101 is appropriate. Either way, think the incident should be a catalyst for bringing forward the time when you live under separate roofs.

Why are you still living together?

I am moving out soon (tho not soon enough) just waiting for a rental property to be ready.

Not scared of him and not generally subjected to verbal abuse (he'd probably been drinking while I was out). The separation is my idea and he wavers between being polite/nasty/asking for another chance. He asked for another chance on Wednesday, I said no so me going out seems to have been taken as rubbing salt in.

I've made arrangements to go out with my DSis this evening (early evening with her young DC) and am worried about whether I'll get in later.

Where we live isn't isolated but taxis have to drive a long round about way to get here so I got dropped off to uni the corner and walked through a pedestrianised bit. If I couldn't of got in id've been stuck!

You'll have to pre-empt a repeat performance by telling him very clearly that you're going out later and, if you can't get in again, you'll have the police let you in instead. Then he has the choice whether to play fair or bring trouble on himself.

If you own the house jointly he cannot lock you out as you have every right to be there. If I was you and had been locked out and unable to get in I would have called the police or broke a window and let myself in. Fortunately you managed to get in without needing to do either of those things.
Let him know that you are going out this evening and if he locks you out you will call the police or break a window to get in as it is your house and you have every right to be there.

"change the locks" is frequently dished out as advice on here but no, if the house is in both your names you, or he, can't.

You clearly both are at the point where you deliberately antagonise each other, so time for one of you to move out.

I don't deliberately antagonise him, I am very aware this is my decision (albeit brought on by his behaviour) and he isn't choosing in.

Yes I did sent 1 sarcastic text in response to him attempting to lock me out, but in 5 weeks that's the first time I've lost my cool although he has tried to provoke a few times (and I had been out so alcohol was a contributing factor)

I think Cog's right, pre-empt his behaviour.

Is there a back door - take a key to that. Also change lock barrel to have thumb lock inside as these cannot jam up with a key. Thumb lock is a bit dearer £50 as against £30 but would solve this if a longterm problem. You can do it yourself or a locksmith would charge. See online for how to.

Sounds like someone was having a tantrum because he doesn't like you having a social life!

I'd be enjoying his reaction to be honest, and winding him up more. I am petty, I know this.

Definitely do what Cogito suggested, and don't engage when he throws a tantrum. I don't mean don't stand stand up for yourself, just don't make things worse for yourself while you wait for a rental to be available.

And tell DSis and friends about last night. You need to able talk about the situation rather than pretend everything is hunky dory.

Me & DSis have postponed plans for tonight, I wouldn't enjoy myself wondering what I was coming back to.

I told her what happened & my mum whose neighbours own the rental to stress the urgency of me getting in sooner rather than later

I know how you feel. I went to my boss's retirement do and got home to find he'd put the chain on the door so I could only open it a tiny bit. I rang the doorbell, the home phone, his mobile, again and again and again. The next door neighbours woke up and came down and they'd only heard the doorbell as I didn't shout at all or even speak. It was a very awkward moment! It took about fifteen minutes before he came down and he pretended he'd forgotten I was not home. Since this was before our separation, the space next to him in bed should have been a bit of a clue! Needless to say we did separate v soon after that, but like you I had to live there for some months afterwards.

If you do need or want to go out, I would tell him first and change the lock and/or take a back door key as pp suggested.

Well done, although it's a shame you don't feel you can go out. Hope they can speed up the process on the rental for you.

I would very calmly tell him that if he pulls that stunt again, you'll be calling 101.

And in the meantime, just to clarify, you're going to be calling 101 tomorrow, tell them what happened - including him attempting to lock you out of your joint home then coming into your room and verbally abusing you - and you'll get that put on record. Just in case there's any further nonsense.

And then casually comment that you're sure he doesn't want to end up being escorted from the property to spend the night elsewhere next time you get home late, because that's what might well happen if he pulls that shit again with previous abusive behaviour on record.