Living together apart.

[in2theblues]

We don't sleep together. Six years almost to the day. Too long was the abuse and I've got used to it now. The more I wanted him the more he drew away.

Funniest thing I've seen recently is the pub he devoted himself to knocked down.

He's ill but we're married. I have an obligation. He's never had much work in him. I'm keeping the family together a penny at a time not for the first time.

If I mention I'm going out - even to aldi - he wants to come with me. He makes a scene. He was never interested in anything I did before.

I've turned from being his floozy to the mother of his children to a nursemaid.

I feel harsh if I say no but if I push him about responsibility he gets defensive and aggressive. I'm trapped.

You're not obliged to nursemaid anyone. Especially not someone who has mistreated you in the past and who is work-shy, miserable and aggressive in the present. Marriage is a two-way contract and, if one party breaks that contract with bad behaviour, then they have to accept there are consequences. That he's ill makes no difference.

You sound very down and hopeless and I want to tell you that you have choices. You are not trapped. If you had a clean sheet of paper and wrote down what kind of future you would like for yourself, what would you write? Anything is possible - but you may need help to get there.

Thank you CogitoErgoSometimes. I'll try that clean sheet of paper - it's a great idea. I will read what you've said again and again until it's ingrained.