Been sad for months now

[Charley50]

My DP of 8 years moved out from our home nearly 5 months ago now. Initially I said that if he moved out it was over, but I've found myself seeing him still, maybe once a week. He hasn't stayed the night while my DS is there since he moved out, but he has occasionally when DS is at his dads.
He doesn't want to move back in, he wants an easy life at his mums (he is 50 years old FFS)!! I know that going NC is the way forward but I'm finding it so difficult. I want him back with us but it's not looking like it's going to happen. It is all so painful to me. Would anti-depressants help me to get through this? I've got lovely friends but I don't let most of them know just how bad I am feeling. They tend to give me advice rather than listen to me.

Just want to give you some

Be strong stay NC and let yourself grieve properly

I contacted him. Stupid I know. I have a need to hear him say sorry or something, although I know he isn't going to say what I want to hear. To just get this nonchalant not that bothered response after all our years and good times together is what hurts the most.

It makes me feel like a nothing.

Please don't keep subjecting yourself to more rejection and punishment. It doesn't help lift the sadness.

DS will be affected by your sadness, naturally.

If you live with someone who is very unhappy you will be aware of it.

Can you support each other to get out and about again?

At least get out for some fresh air, as that will help lift your spirits, serotonin levels lift with exercise.

Thanks for all your responses so far. Well on Saturday evening we had a conversation about the possibility of us getting back together properly and him moving back in. We were both more open than we have been for a while and it was, for want of a better word, nice. We will talk some more over the next few weeks and then if he decides not to come back I will definitely go NC. If he does decide to come back I will suggest we have counseling as I think it will help us both individually and as a couple.
I think my DS is ok, just as that age where they like chilling. He says he is fine so I suppose I have to take him at face value.