Does he find me sexually attractive????

[Pumpkindumplin]

I met my Bf online 9 months ago, things have been good and still are, he treats me well, we get on ect. I am however anxious over one issue, sex. He doesn't seem to be very highly sexed, or and this is the problem I'm worrying he doesn't fancy me much. Up until about 2 months ago we were having sex more frequently usually 4 times a week on average each time we saw eachother. Now it's dropped to half that and whereas he used to come really quickly now he can keep going for longer and appears sometimes to be finding it hard to come.

He's still as affectionate towards me and has started seeing me every night unless I'm working so he's still keen. I'm just really worried he's not that attracted to me. I did have what could be described as an unrealistic previous relationship sex wise where he was totally sex mad, however he did make me feel I was the most desirable woman in the world. With current Bf I sometimes don't feel desirable at all. What do I do? I love him and he tells he loves me every day.

Do I have areal problem or is it just my anxiety? I am actually happy with the amount of sex I think I've just been conditioned to believe men want it all the time if they find you attractive

Have you shared with him your feelings on this issue? If you don't then I fear your insecurities will get the better of you.

If he really treats you well etc then he will be honest about what's going on, which will deepen the intimacy.

Tell him!

I did ask him outright one day in a casual way if he still liked me in that way and he seemed very surprised, kind of gave a little laugh and said of course I do. He tells me I look nice and says I'm gorgeous. Not all the time but frequently enough. He just doesn't seem to have that rip my clothes off urgency

Tbh I'm having enough sex it's not like I'm frustrated. I don't feel I can complain to him about him not wanting more when I don't either. I just thought, mistaking ly perhaps that men were pretty much always up for it. I haven't been turned down by him because I haven't initiated it. It just tends to happen when we've had amiss and cuddle

If you're happy with the amount of sex and if you're getting on well as a couple then see if you can find ways between you to make the sex better on a 'quality over quantity' basis. Men don't want it all the time any more than women do. Everyone's an individual and the important part is to be compatible with each other rather than keeping score or making comparisons.

On insecurity.... this can be from within, especially if you've had bad experiences or if you derive too much of your self-esteem from what others think about you. Or it can be external and the other person is behaving in a way that deliberately reduces your confidence. Hard to tell which applies from what you've written but be reassured, you're not obliged to stay in an relationship that makes you feel less than happy, whatever the reason

I have had bad experiences and definately rely on what others think of me and say to me for my sense of self esteem. We get on very well as a couple and he never does or says anything deliberately to make me feel bad, if he ever thinks he might have upset me he's very apologetic and never blames me for things.

Is it normal for men who came very quickly during sex at the start of relationship to last longer a bit further down the line? Does it mean they find you less attractive?

Although actually I don't think he had had sex for several months before he met me so that could account for it I suppose

No not this, I have previously posted about an abusive ex

Speedy/premature ejaculation is usually regarded as a bad thing. :) As sexual partners get to know each other, most of the satisfaction and fun is in a long foreplay/arousal stage and the 'PIV' is held off until the end, if at all. If you're saying he's grimly plugged in, arse going up and down like a sewing machine and nothing happens for so long that you're lying there mentally working out next week's shopping list.... that would be pretty rubbish sexual technique.

no it's not quite like that. I was disappointed when he used to come so fast though, yet now I'm worrying because he doesn't , seems I'm never happy. I don't know if it's a non problem or not really. Sometimes I think I'm just an anxious person and always find something to worry about, but then I will worry that perhaps there's something behind it that I'm sensing

Then you have to resist the temptation to keep looking at yourself and asking 'is it me?' and instead look more objectively at his actions and words. One thing that strikes me is that you say you're always together unless you're working. If you have a tendency to be anxious, that kind of set-up can be pretty suffocating and you end up thinking about nothing else. Do you socialise without him? See friends? Pursue hobbies? Does he? Do you ever just have a night in by yourself, relaxing and doing your own thing?

I guess I want the impossible then, I would like to always be a novelty to him, I don't like to think of him being bored and finding someone new

All 'novelty' means is 'new'. If a relationship goes on for a while there are ways to keep things new and fresh and both people in the relationship are responsible for doing that. You seem to be taking on all the responsibility and then fast forwarding 'is it me?' to 'he's bored' and 'he'll get someone new!' Come on... where's your self-esteem? He's lucky to have you... yes?

The big advantage of a long term relationship however is that you trade 'novelty' for great things like 'trust', 'understanding' and 'experience'. When you really get to know someone sexually and they really take the time to get to know you .... man oh man!!!..... the fireworks really fly.

I don't think it's a case of you not being attractive or exciting anymore. Sex is always more exciting/different/fun in new relationships and then usually becomes more loving and intimate as you go along.

My partner differs from week to week, month to month on how fast he comes (and there's things like food, drink, whether he has been pleasuring himself that day...etc that probably come into play too). I'm pregnant at the moment and have a lot of pain so he's not getting as much sex as he would like (but completely understands) so when he does it's sometimes a little faster than usual.

As well ask finding some esteem and respect for yourself, if you have a good relationship you should probably respect him a little more too. Suggesting he may "get bored and find someone new" isn't a very nice thing to say about him as a person. xx