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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I can't get Dp to leave...help!

6 replies

OldDeafBat · 29/10/2014 23:06

Dp and I have lived together for around 18 months. I work full time, have a long commute and have 2 teenagers who I look after full time. Dp had a job till October and hasn't found anything new but has been helping out at home.

As far as I am concerned, our relationship is over. Dp takes the piss way too much in terms of how much he is going out (especially given he isn't working) and often on work nights for me so my sleep is disturbed when he comes home drunk. He is not making much of an effort to get another job at all and is supposed to be assisting on a building project yet the builder called me to say that Dp is never around and hasn't bought the materials etc

I told him it was over a few weeks ago and he needed to find somewhere else to stay. I know it will be hard as he doesn't have a job but thought he could stay with a friend. I didn't want to leave him homeless so told him it was fine if it took a week or so to sort out. A few weeks later and he has done nothing. His best friends caught me in the street and I asked if Dp had spoken to them and they both said no. I took one of them aside and told them what had happened and they were completely shocked. Dp has not let on at all what has been happening and they had absolutely no clue. She thinks Dp is in complete denial and doesn't think for a second that he can't fix this.

But it is not fixable. I had a big important meeting at work on Monday and Dp said he would be home at 7 and only got back at 11 so drunk he broke the front gate and passed out on the porch. Tonight he is not home again. I have had enough. He isn't an alcoholic, he just enjoys going out too much.

His friend said it will be v difficult to get him to leave especially as I am out of the house all day and not even around to make him go. Dp is clearly going to make it as hard as possible for me. I am wondering if I should just demand my keys back when I go to work and tell him he has to leave with me but I am also concerned the children will just let him back in later! ARGH! I know this sounds ridiculous but it is proving really difficult!

OP posts:
OldDeafBat · 29/10/2014 23:30

Didn't say, Dp isn't the children's father. Their dad lives nearby but not with me.

OP posts:
JumpAndTwist · 29/10/2014 23:36

Do you own or rent? Is his name on the deeds or rental agreement?

If his name is not on the deeds/tenancy agreement then it is simple. You tell him to leave. If he does not, you call the police. They will remove him.

Then you change the locks so he can't break in.

If the children let him in, you tell him to leave. If he doesn't you call the police. They will remove him.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 29/10/2014 23:41

what Jump said

what are you arrangements re. name on lease/mortgage

OldDeafBat · 30/10/2014 00:20

House in my name (mortgaged).

I just wish he would just bloody leave and not make it harder than it is. He just came in at 1130pm. He was pissed off as he said he was meeting an old friend. He had said earlier he would be home for supper (around 8 ish). Then he said 9, then it was 10. Tbh I have no issue with people going out but it's just tbe frequency and the lack of respect for me that he just goes out as late as possible. The friend he was meeting knocked on my door repeatedly at 1030pm and scared the fucking wits out of me. Apparently he wanted to have a word because he thinks I am being unreasonable demanding Dp comes home (on a work night fgs!) at a reasonable hour. Luckily I didn't answer.

Have told Dp he must go in the morning. Sent work an email saying I had a tummy bug and can't come in so I will stay here and make sure he goes.

I can't live with this stress plus a stressful job plus being a single parent! Relationships are supposed to make you feel better not worse!

OP posts:
Frogisatwat · 30/10/2014 06:24

Oh what a shitty situation. He has the skin of a rhino! Hope it all goes well. Have you a friend or family member who can be on hand today?

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 30/10/2014 06:34

Why are you cooking his meals ?

You are giving mixed messages, love.

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