Overcoming a break up

[ConstantAcceleration]

I had a 2 year relationship which broke up 6 months ago. It was a deeply loving, but flawed relationship.
I find myself going over and over some of the conversations we had and from time to time still crying over it all. I still get angry at both of us.
I have no intention of getting into a new relationship until I am confident that I am over the last.
So, any tips or ideas for how long I will keep thinking about it? What can I do to help myself?
Thanks for any suggestions.

You need to distract yourself when you realise you are thinking about it. Decide on a positive thing to think about and picture it in as much detail as you can and then bring that into your mind when you realise you are dwelling on the ex.

As an example, I have a hospital appt soon to check on a lump I found. Every time I realise I'm thinking about it, I start thinking about me and my DS snuggling up in new dressing gowns, reading each other stories. I try to paint a real picture in my head, eg the weather, the furniture, the blankets, the nibbles etc.

It's a tip I got off a counsellor recently who could see that relation problems + parent problems + health problems = too much to cope with!!

Also, I've started using a mindfulness app called Headspace. It's helping me clear my mind and relax more easily.

Another tip is to do pelvic floor exercises when you think about him, at least you and your next boyfriend will reap the benefit of all your angst

PS and have a unmumsnetty handhold from someone who can really sympathise with the loving but flawed comment... The flaw in mine is a lack of commitment, what was yours?

Thanks saveme. I'll look into the app.
I need to find a balance of not dwelling but also allowing myself enough time to think about what I need to think about and putting it behind me.

Thanks again - the flaws were many, but mainly pure incompatibility.

Hi

Just to say I have been through the same thing, have counselling, and my counsellor recommended headspace. I have started it having done nothing similar before, and I really do think it has made a difference. I will be sticking with it.

Good luck. It's definitely worth a try as part of your strategy x

Maybe distract yourself when you find yourself thinking about it without having consciously decided to do so but also give yourself a set time when you can think about it and nothing else. That way you are in control of how much time you spend on it and when you spend it (ie not when you are tired/have PMT/should be concentrating)....

I can't say much to 'pure incompatibility' as it sounds all encompassing...

Thanks. Yeah, it was pretty all-encompassing.