Ex being nasty over 2 years on

[TortillasAndChocolate]

My ex-h has just left after dropping DS home. I just need to tell someone.

He's annoyed about something to do with contact - it doesn't really matter what. I was really reasonable about it and calm. He on the other had has just told me I'm a bitch, he's so glad he doesn't have to speak to me on a daily basis anymore. Apparently I'm so ugly that no wonder he left me, and no wonder I haven't met anyone yet and probably never will. He said he's the happiest he's ever been and his life is amazing.

There was obviously a lot more conversation than that, and to the things above I didn't really say a lot other than, let's not go down this road, let's just be civil etc.

It still gets to me that he is nasty so often after all this time. I have no idea why he's so angry with me. I make such an effort to be nice and keep the peace, and I'm not sure why. And even though I know he's being spiteful and saying things to hurt me, there's a bit of me that thinks, why is he happy with OW and I'm on my own? Is there some sort of truth in what he's saying?

Just feeling sad - how did it all end up here?

He clearly isn't so happy with his new life which is why he is hoping to drag you down.

Don't let him in the house, take DS at the door and close it without communication in future.

There is no truth in it. He is just being shitty. Don't let him get you down.

ime people who do this are far from happy.

However thats beside the point, i take it you have had enough of this shit? Then get thee to a solicitor and begin to put a stop to it.

This was actually on the doorstep as I didn't want him coming in. This doesn't happen every time - I usually think, oh this has been pleasant lately them bam, he goes back to being aggressive and nasty.

Thanks. The weird thing is he's always threatening me with court, because he knows I just want things to be amicable. But maybe it would actually be better to go down that road.

The scary thing is he's my sons male role model. It worries me so much that he might end up like that when he grows up.

I had similar experiences with my ex-H for years. Literally, years. I too was worried about the effect on our son. Like you, I wondered if he had a point, etc. at times when I wasn't feeling confident. I remember being told almost exactly the same things!

Believe me, my ex is far from happy. He is a bitter, damaged individual. Our son is now grown up and just worries about his father, more than anything. Your ex sounds exactly the same. And I have never been happier. You can be too, just look after yourself and your boy, keep your dignity, and do not start to believe his poisonous bullshit.

Wow what a miserable time he must be having!!

You don't deserve that. If put measures in to stopping him behaving like that.

Don't take it to heart - he sounds like a big prick, bet your glad your well rid!!!

As soon as he starts instead of engaging with him, say "I'm listening to this, goodbye" and shut the door. The more you try and reason with him the more of an audience you're giving him.

What a nasty arse, you're well shot

I can recognise some similarities with my ex though his rants tended to be on the phone . I would hang up and text him to tell him I was no longer going to continue to listen to his rants and only if he wanted to have a reasonable conversation would I talk to you. I can say this was repeated quite a few occasions before it stopped.

Also re the threatening court. I decided in the end it was better to let him take me to court and it would be written down in black and white. It sounds though like a threat.

I also agree with the other posters he isn't happy

Thanks everyone for the replies.

Mooth and Starlight - even though I'm not glad you've had similar experiences, it is nice to know I'm not alone in this.

I'm very glad now that we're not together. In some ways I wish I'd woken up earlier and been the one to leave him instead of the other way around, but I have my DS and he's just amazing.

Next time I will just close the door and not enter into it. (It would probably result in him banging on the door and phoning constantly, but I can cross that bridge if and when we get to it).

I'm just left feeling exhausted and sad, whereas I'd actually had a really great day at work today.

I've said before that I feel like it's unfair that him and OW are all happy, but maybe he's not that happy. I guess he'd never tell me if he wasn't anyway....and ultimately it shouldn't matter anyway (although I really would rather he was at least a bit unhappy! - who am I kidding, I'd like him to be totally miserable )

I'm having a similar issue with my ex-husband, we've been apart for around 3 1/2 years & in the beginning it was quite amicable but lately he is just more & more nasty when picking up the children, just don't understand it as he has just got engaged so don't know where all the anger is coming from.

My ex told me he never wanted to speak to me again. We'd split up sixteen years previously, I think. I was glad. I didn't want to speak to him.

Another one here!

I have the exact same problem with my ex of 3 years standing. The anger is horrible.

Where does it come from this anger?

I think they are damaged and bitter individuals. I think they get MORE angry as time goes by instead of LESS angry because they are bitter and because they see us strong and coping and getting on fine without them and they don't like it.

I am 3 1/2 years in on the split and the bitterness and anger from ex has escalated. We are in and out of court all the time. There is a horrible expression about not being able to polish a turd and that is really how I feel. All the money and supposed moving on yet the bitterness and damage underneath radiates out from him. I really don't know how it will end. My DC is still at primary school.

Another one here whose automatic first impression is that he is very unhappy in his new life.

You know yourself OP, when things are going well for you, you can't help but wish well even to your worst enemies.

And, au contraire, when things are bad and you don't want to face up to it, everyone else is wrong, terribly wrong.

He's not happy, happy people don't need to do that.

Do not give him any more power over you, his words/thoughts mean fuck all. Does his opinion mean anything? No!

Just laugh and close the door

The honeymoon period with the ow is over and his life is still shitty despite changing partners as they are shitty men whoever they are with and the ow probably now also realises this ?

I think IAmAShitHotLawyer has a point when she says they don't like to see we are getting on perfectly well without them in our life.

Happened to me too. After 2.5 years it seemed to be getting worse not better. I finally had enough -there had been verbal abuse at me and family members, always in front of DD, it was getting more physical eg trying to stop me driving away while shouting at me etc....... I cut contact and waited for ex to take me to court.