Do I tell them on my own?

[Sk002]

I have been trying to split from OH for over a year now. He doesn't want us to split up. We have been for counselling. He said it was rubbish. It confirmed for me that it is over.
I have told him so. He lives abroad and is home once a month. He refuses to let anyone know we are separated. Not even the kids. Has told me to get on with life and live as we are. He says it will ruin kids lives. I assume it will also ruin his cushy number.
It is stressing me out no end. Should I tell the kids on my own? That would be a start to making it public knowledge. And a start of new life, not this limbo.

You don't need his permission to separate or divorce. You will need his cooperation in the process or it'll end up very slow and very expensive, but you don't need his permission. Make the necessary arrangements therefore and then tell as many people as you wish, including the children

If you have decided it's over then why are you even considering what he wants, it's your decision to make, without him telling you otherwise.

I had this problem with my ex. He also lived abroad, home every couple of months. Eventually I met someone else, he then had the perfect explanation for his family and friends so he came out smelling of roses. By then I didn't care, I had already wasted a year in limbo. Not suggesting you do that of course, just, you need to move forward, by instigating divorce, telling family and your children of course. You cannot wait for him to catch up, especially if he is the type to stick his head in the sand like my ex. It's your life. X

Thank you for the advice. Seems stupid now that I was waiting for him to agree. But I am trying to minimise the chance of us disagreeing I suppose. I was hoping he would face facts and move on.

That's it exactly, Muddylettuce, he sticks his head in the sand and avoids stuff. It's probably how we have ended up at breaking point. Though he still reckons we have no problem other than me! I reckon tomorrow will be D-day for me to tell the kids. Gulp!!