Fair separation agreement

[Arlagirl]

H and I are in the middle of putting this together. We are planning to stay together until Sept 2017 when ds goes to uni.......should things become untenable (everything ok currently) h will move out.

In a nutshell....
50/50 split of house
a third of h's pension
dcs are 15 and 18....he will fund all uni expenses

My solicitor suggests I get a larger share of his pension, as I am not making a claim on his business. I am 54, work part time and earning about £16,000. Any thoughts?

why wait 3 years to separate - staying for the sake of the children is never a good idea is it? Sounds like an awful, half life existence for 3 years.

The pension thing -- you need to calculate how much of your pension you've foregone by taking on the "lesser" earning role and being the main parent/home organiser/manager (if that's why you're working p-t and only earning £16k). What future investment ie pension, have you lost by giving up paid work to support the family & your husband's earning ability?

That's what the pension split is about.

We are actually getting on better now than we have for ages.

Is it fair? He earns more than you. You are getting less than him?

% of the property should be more in your favour, as you earn less and have less pension, imo.

Do you think you are going to sell the house?
Do you know where you are going to live?
I would look for a full time job asap.

If your solicitor is advising you about pension, ask him about the house split too.

TBH if you have professional advice, why second guess it on here

The house will not be sold before 2017.
I will be able to buy a property outright with it so will be mortgage free.

so if you are getting on better now why separate in 3 years?

So you will be 57, own your own home, be earning 16k or more, and have a third of your ex's pension.

My thoughts are... You deserve a higher proportion of the pension.

so if you are getting on better now why separate in 3 years?

Since when has getting on better equalled love and a strong marriage?

My mum and dad are divorced and are closer than they ever were when married. My dad is married to the love of his life and mum is happy being single. They are happier and better people apart. I was glad when the separated and believe it should have happened far sooner as they wasted those years staying for me and it affected what I thought relationships should be for me. Not a great outcome from what my mum thought was the right thing to do by staying until I was a young adult. Such a shame those years were wasted

Th for comments. Mumsnet gives great perspective.
I have instigated the proceedings....we have drifted for years and I just don't want to do that for the next 25 years. We will be friends I think ...he still loves me but I have
no physical feelings for him.
We lead fairly separate lives...holidays etc.

.

Leading fairly separate lives is not the same as living independently, you'll find. The former means that you stay stuck in a holding pattern whereas the latter means you can progress your life in a new direction. I hope the family all manage to adjust.

So why not split now? Surely it is like ripping a plaster off. Why waste another 3 years giving him false hope? And waiting until children leave - well what example is it showing them?

It all sounds very sensible and amicable as long as financially you are well catered for.

If you are getting on well and the children are happy and there's no one else one the horizon I can't see a problem.

Three years is a long time and I suspect your husband or yourself may meet someone else and decide to move on.