DH takes me for granted

[beonmyside]

It is partly my fault as I have always done everything in the house, for the dc and dh, etc. I really do not think he realises what i do and never thanks me or does anything for me - I cannot think of a time when he cooked or even made me a cup of tea. This was ok when the dc were little and I didn't work, but for the past 3 years I work 4 days a week. However, as I get home before him, it still falls on me to do everything I did before. I hate the thought of being a nagging wife, but how can i make him see what i do. I feel really under valued.

I think you are better telling him this as a start.... he may not even notice?

My partner isn't a bad person, just idle, and needs a kick up the arse every so often. (5 years and he still asks me if I have sugar in my brew.. lol no... no I don't we don't even have sugar in the house!)

Maybe have a quick chat with him about feeling worn down with all the tasks and ask if he could pick up a few or put the tea on...etc or say "I'm going for a bath, really shattered today, mind if you put the tea on?" if you don't feel like "nagging" is the right option?

There is an app on the BBC which shows how chores are split between partners once you fill in a short set of questions.

It may be worth going through it together, either he may have an unrealistic idea of what he actually brings to the table - or you may not be taking into account "invisible jobs" like commutes, child drop off or household admin like insurance etc?

Link to the chore calculator thing:

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/4xsS4Nqzhn21v52xYdMPQqJ/womans-hour-chore-wars

well discuss it with him, if you've allowed a pattern to develop then it's up to you to initiate the change. if he doesn't do his share or keeps "forgetting" then simply don't do anything for him (i.e cooking his meal,washing/ironing his clothes), when he actually feels the impact on his life then he'll understand and do his share.

Definitely recommend talking to him about it. Have you asked him to make you a cup of tea? He might just need a kick up the arse, as Hermit says, unless there's more to this?

He is totally taking you for granted but by the sounds of it, always has, I couldn't be with a person that didn't consider my feelings, or even offered me a cup of tea/coffee, you are working 4 days a week and doing everything at home - time for a sit down and a good talk about what needs to change, otherwise you will be grounded to a halt by this eventually, stop making his life so cushy and give yourself permission to be an equal.