Grandfather passed away today

[FloweryDuchessa]

My grandfather passed away this morning.

I'm struggling with how to feel. He wasn't the world best father to my DM. He was emotionally, verbally and occasionally physically abusive but he was lovely to me. He loved his DGCs and with us he was a mostly different person, not at abusive at all! He was difficult, a military man from a different era. I am/was the golden 'grandchild' but that's because I am my mother's daughter and she took on the brunt of his abuse (as his eldest child) so he was his best self with me always. I'm aware of all the history, DM never lied to me about it and it's complex. She could join the Stately Home threads and have plenty to say. But now he has passed away and I don't know how I feel.

I'm sad for DM and also for me. I adored him when I was a child. It wasn't until I was in my teens that I found out what he was like with my DM.

I'm also sad because none of my DGPs will ever meet DP, they will never be at my wedding, see my children (we have none at the moment). I've now lost a whole generation of my family.

I'm abroad so can't make the funeral. DM has gone to tonight to see her siblings, we are both abroad.

All I can do is sit here with a and think about how much I want a baby and how desperately I miss my family and want one of my own. DP and I are too young and not married.

I'm sorry for the very confused post. It's really hard to think right now.

I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure someone wiser will be along in a minute.

Hugs and

I am sorry for your loss

So sorry Duchess. I fully understand you're going through many conflicting emotions at present. And not being able to attend the funeral is very hard.
Thinking of you. (hugs)

I'm sorry for your loss and for all the conflicting emotions it has brought up. My grandfather died recently (last one of my GPs), and it sounds as though he was a more moderate version of yours. Certainly, while not physically abusive, he made life very difficult for my mother and grandmother. I had no clue about this until relatively recently.

I have similarly conflicted emotions, but he was distressed at the end and death was, in many ways, a relief for him and the family. Certainly my mother is looking about ten years younger.

I live abroad too. While I was back for the funeral, it was coincidental as I had already planned to be back. I'm glad the was the case, but I don't think I would have travelled specifically for it.

So no advice, but you're not alone. I hope you find some peace.