BF won't have sex with me.... Getting me down

[Anyone1234]

I got pregnant unplanned and to start with BF didn't want the baby! After he came round to the idea he was really excited but from the day I got pregnant the sex totally stopped! He said it just didn't feel right knowing his baby was in there!

It wasn't just sex pretty much any intimacy including kissing and cuddling stopped as well, he doesn't find any part of pregnancy attractive!

So know the baby is here I'm 100% back to my pre pregnancy size and shape and I'm more than ready to have sex again and for the past 3 weeks have been hoping to but every time he just says he is to tired etc!

It kinda came to a head last week and I got upset and asked him if it's me he is just not attracted to and he assured me it wasn't so last night he planned a nice quite evening for us and cooked!

Before dinner we started kissing and a little foreplay begun but he didn't get hard and after only about 2 mins said the baby (who was sleeping) was looking at him and it wasn't right, so said don't worry we will have dinner first!

So evening goes on and we just sit on the sofa and I get the vibe that sex is bid off the cards! So cons midnight we go off to bed!

When we get into bed he says "oh I came over all tired after dinner sorry about that" again I get upset and ask him what's really going on, as it's now been a year we haven't had sex for and again I get upset and cry and he promises me it's him just being lazy, and that he loves me and finds me attractive and he is not interested in anyone else but the pressure is getting to him!

So anyone got any ideas what's really going on! I told him when I was pregnant that the lack of intimacy was going to be rally hard to get back after baby came and he assured me wouldn't but he just appears to have no sexual interest in me at all!

A very similar thing happened to me after babies although my body never went back to it's original condition, in my case it turned out my husband was addicted to porn, I never got to the bottom of what he was doing or who with, by the time I found out about his addiction I was past caring about him and now we divorced.
Hope you can get to the bottom of things, I really think it's worth pursuing the counselling route either together or on your own if he won't join you.

I'm sorry to say this, but - you had an unplanned baby which he didn't want. You don't live together.

Perhaps he just doesn't want to be with you.

Distancecall that's exactly what I thinking to!! I have asked him many times if that's the case saying I feel like he is only here for the baby and not because of me and he assures me that's not the case and that he live me and the baby and how lucky he is to have us.

I gave him plenty of chances to get out all the way through but each time it was him begging for us to make a go of it!

I really don't know how to tackle this!! Do I just not mention it at all for a few weeks and she if it changes? Should I try to get some intimacy back between us with looks to kissing/cuddles etc? Or shall I just throw a total fit and demand immediate answers and action?

Why are you not living together after four years and a baby? He is obviously not very committed to you. Added to that he doesn't want any intimacy with you, you have got to ask yourself if you are really a couple and what this relationship is all about.

We are going through exactly the same thing my husband had no interest when I was pg as baby was in there watch baby arrive and now has no interest and it's been over a year. We have had no sleep for a year I've struggled adapting to life as a mum house is always a bomb site and my husband just started a busy job and its just not a very attractive time ! I've decided to try and get the fun back and stop the stress and pushing it and hopefully in time it'll come back . I know it's hard not to worry about it but everyone takes these things differently and maybe he's just adapting pm if you want to chat to someone in the same boat xx

Unfortunately I think it is highly unlikely he will ever be the lover you want and have every right to expect. For his own reasons (porn/gay/asexual/whatever) he is simply not interested in having sex with you. It's really up to you whether you want to continue this relationship under these terms or not (there's no way I would stick around personally!)

You are not being remotely unreasonable to want a sex life with your partner. I think if things carry on the way they are, which they will, your self-esteem will get lower and lower. You've given him plenty of chances already. I think in the long run you would be happier with someone else.

It's good you don't live with him because he can just fade away and the baby won't notice it. Once you've got your head around it you'll be happier too.

It would be madness to move in with each other and /or get married and it's stalled despite your effort and his protestations of affection.................

Sometimes it's really hard to end a relationship and I suspect he can't end it. he sounds like he'd still be aroud to be a father to your baby.

I'm sorry but I think DistanceCall is right. He has no intention of getting 'trapped' again.

The living together thing really isn't something I worry about! It was a joint decision and actually works well for both of us at the moment! I have older children I brought up alone from babies and I'm very used to having my own house/space and I 100% do not want to leave my area, and he has a business where he lives so to pack up and move here isn't that easy as it would mean losing is staff because of the distance! I do believe that people can have a perfectly happy relationship living apart!

We do spend 3.5 -4 days together a week so about 50% of the time!

He is due back here this afternoon so I guess I just have to wait and see what happens! He knows I'm upset and hurt and I think if he truly means what he says then he will at least make the effort with some affection (I'm not talking sex right now) if he chooses to totally ignore it and stay away from me at all costs then I guess u have my answer!

Been trying to find info online and everything is coming up the same maybe he just isn't into me anymore!

I will be back with updates over the weekend ladies thank you all xx

Good luck Anyone. Horrible situation to be in x