dumping mutual friends...

[candyce83]

End of 2 and a half year relationship back in June…it was a really destructive relationship with children involved...met some really nice people, one in particular stayed in contact with me, always asked to meet up or for me to come over and have dinner…I never ask about my ex when we meet up and it was always her initiating contact...

I really felt this was beginning to cross a boundary as she was my exes mate so text her and said I couldn't continue the friendship. She responded that she's gutted and here I am sat crying for the past two days over how guilty I feel. Have I done the right thing??? I feel like this has opened up a whole new can of worms...

I don't see why you can't still be friends with her, especially as you never discuss your ex. It is for her to choose her friends, and it sounds like she could be friends with both of you separately. But, anyway, it's her choice, all the initiating has come from her. I would contact her saying why you originally ended friendship, then saying that you realise you made a mistake, and would love to continue meeting up

I guess I don't want to give my ex the wrong impression…that im somehow hanging onto her to either get back at her or keep tabs on her somehow seeing as i was the one who was dumped.

It was a very traumatic relationship and bad breakup and I feel like I want as much distance from it all. I just feel so bad that Ive hurt her...

Your ex can and will think what he wants. The point is, if you want to be friends with this woman, do so. If, on the other hand, you feel you need to break the friendship because of "I want as much distance from it all", then that's a different matter. She sounds a nice lady, though, so I'm sure she will understand your decision either way (in time, if you decide to end friendship)

Sorry if I've got the sexes wrong here

I'm just thinking that you called your ex "her". So, if you are all female, maybe she is coming onto you. Different scenario altogether. Sorry, I just assumed female poster, male ex P

Sorry it was a lesbian relationship...whoops...
Nah friend is straight just said she likes me for me. My ex was a very controlling woman and made things very difficult after breakup. Her main goal was to have power over me wouldn't let me get any of my belongings clothes, bed,etc..I'd rather seal all cracks if u see what I mean. Its a shame I really loved her friend.

No probs . Well in that case, the scenario is not that much different iykwim.

It sounds like you've had a really awful time, and I can fully understand your need for a clean break from everything/ everyone surrounding your ex.

The best you can do is to explain all of this to your friend, telling her that things are too raw at the moment.

If I were you I would ask that if, much later on, I felt I could resume the friendship, would she mind if you contacted her. As you really like her. Because maybe I would feel able to resume the friendship in due course.

I think your friend would eventually understand your position, especially if she knew how bad things were with exP.

Either way, though, you have to put yourself first in this situation. You know the saying, you can't please all of the people all of the time....You sound like a very caring person, so don't beat yourself up about things, please!!

Wishing you well