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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need your honest opinion ...sorry long post

29 replies

redstar · 02/10/2006 22:34

My DH has left me and 2 boys (5 and 7) a couple of weekends ago. To be honest I am quite glad to see the back of him.
He would be in a foul mood as he walked in the door from work and growl at me and the kids until he packed them off to bed so that he could light up a few spliffs(At first parents evening for eldest son DH was very stoned and acted a bit weird, I was really mad with him) He would wine on about his day, rant at the telly and be sarcastic about everyone and everything he came across. He had no ability to enjoy most situations, it was if he was just barely tolerating family life. Every six months or so he would go on a bit of a downer and I would get a rant about how I was ruining his life usually because I did not want to have sex with him more than about twice a week so was therefore frigid. To be honest, I need to have good feelings and respect towards a man to want to sleep with him and I was really not particularly having these towards my DH. He found it really difficult to care for the kids by himself when they were younger, so I got very little time to myself and I admit that it was a handful as my eldest had hearing problems and is on upper end of autistic spec so his behaviour was at times a challenge! Just before last xmas he had a sort of fling at work, swore no sex but met up with girl couple of times. To be honest that was it for me but I made a go of the marriage for kids sake. Last few weeks DH gone very cold and distant so I challenged him and he said he didnt love me. I told him to move out then, so he went to stay at his dads. He admitted at the weekend that he is now dating the girl from work...he wont admit it but no doubt this has been going on a while. I'm quite happy its over, kids seem fine with it, DH sees them every day.
Trouble is my family think I should be fighting to get him back for kids sake, that this is a midlife crisis thing and he will come crawling back eventually. To me its over and I think he has behaved unreasonbly but my family dont seem to think he has been so bad and say all marriages have their ups and downs. Please tell me I'm not going mad and I am well rid? But be honest and tell me what you think.

OP posts:
redstar · 03/10/2006 13:03

Thank you so much for listening to me wittering on and all your comments, it has helped. x

OP posts:
lynneclynne · 03/10/2006 17:25

redstard, its how feel and what you want that counts!! Never mind family, friends or anyone else! You know yourself u will be happier without him so dont look back! There's light at the end of that tunnel girl!! Life will only get better for you without him in ur life!!
Take care, i wish u all the happiness in the world, u deserve it! xx

sunnydelight · 03/10/2006 18:36

It sounds like you are being really brave. Your family don't have to live with him - you do and you have decided that you cannot. Find people who are your side for friendship/support and don't be swayed by the opinion of people who really don't know what they are talking about.

Piffle · 03/10/2006 18:38

Well rid, glad he has gone peacefully. It's your choice not your families.
You seem very circumspect and happy and calm about the route you've taken.
He sounds like a louse to be quite honest.

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