I need to talk, pregnancy

[elephantandcastlel]

I don't really know where to start.

I'm in my early 30's, I'm in a long term relationship which has had it's ups and downs. I've a beautiful, 6 year old ds from my first relationship, and I now find myself 8 weeks pregnant. Not planned, but could have been prevented.

Right now I feel completely depressed and although initially ending the pregnancy wasn't even a consideration I now feel as though it could be.

I always thought I'd have another child one day, I always wanted two. But as time has gone on it's just never been the right time.

But here I am, I've been to see the gp and had it all confirmed.

For a start I feel so ill, I never felt this ill with ds, I wake up sick and go to bed sick, car journeys are unbearable and I have to stop to throw up, it's making me ratty and vile. It's vile, I literally crawl out of bed in the morning to force down a piece of toast. I've also got diarreah constantly and have already got a uti, which if my pregnancy with ds is anything to go by will be a constant throughout the pregnancy dispute being extra careful and hygienic. I know it's all part and parcel but I'm not coping with it on top of life as well.

Then there's the space issue, my house is only 2 bed which will mean moving eventually, and although not impossible it could be difficult to move somewhere as nice as here close to ds school but bigger.

Dp and I have done nothing but argue since I became pregnant. I feel tired, sick, anxious all the time and it's making me so snappy but dp isn't exactly supportive and understanding either. I don't honestly know if our relationship can survive.

I've also got a lot on my mind with extended family, work, all which is just making me feel anxious and depressed.

When I found out I was pregnant I decided I'd just manage one way or another, but I'm slowly starting to think that perhaps I don't have to manage, perhaps there's another way, and I've been looking into termination.

I just feel so guilty for ds, he didn't ask for any of this and now he has a tired, sick, grumpy mummy, and soon and crying stinky baby will be crashing into his little world, on the other hand a brother or sister who may become a friend for life?

Maybe I just need to get a grip, stop moping and get on with it, I'd manage one way or another I'm sure. Besides I've had to tell a couple of people at work that I'm pregnant as they guessed because I've been so sick, I'd be too ashamed to tell them I was having an abortion.

It's all just such a mess.

I really genuinely don't know what to do, I thought if I went to the doctors and had it confirmed I'd know.

I can't think clearly when I'm sick constantly.

Talk to your GP. You need some real life advice.
Ultimately only you can know whats right and if your partner is being awful now, you may have to think about single parenthood.

Good luck

Sorry you feel so terrible. Feeling sick isn't an especially good reason for ending the pregnancy, it is just skewing your judgement right now. There may be other good and valid reasons. See your GP and get some medication for the nausea for a start. You have time to get outside help with making the decision if you need to. Certainly time for you and your DP to sit and try to discuss calmly and logically. Having told people you are pregnant doesn't men much, you certainly don't have to explain any further.

Things like a small house and not having enough money will not change but in al likelihood that feeling you had before, wanting another child probably won't either. It does sound as if your DP needs to step up. If you being sick and grumpy is causing such problems in a few weeks you do need major discussions.

Bu first get some treatment for the nausea. You can't make rational decisions when'd you feel so ill. It is safe btw.

Goo luck.

You don't have to stop moping. Feeling and being sick is horrendous.
Space doesn't have to be an issue. If there is enough living and outdoor space then it doesn't matter if the kids share a box room.

To me, the priority seems to be your relationship. You can't go either way if your partner isn't being supportive, what ever your decision is about the pregnancy.

I know that sickness is not a good enough reason to consider a termination. But it's so constant that I can't even think straight.

Will the GP give me anything? I feel embarrassed to ask as I thought morning sickness was just part and parcel. I need to make an appointment for the uti so I can ask then, but I don't want to mention abortion as I feel ashamed.

It's a waste of time trying to speak to dp about anything important.

Regarding the space, there are two decent sized bedrooms so the possibility of splitting the rooms eventually to make 3 small rooms. But it feels as though I'm taking from ds. I know that probably doesn't sound very logical but it feels as though I'm taking time, space and money from ds.

What does your dp think about the pregnancy? Have you got other friends/family who can support you?
Technically your ds would have to share his time, space and your money would have to stretch further. Do you have siblings?

OP, if you're considering a termination there is a Pregnancy Choices section where you'll find some great support from people who've been in a similar situation. You can ask to get the thread moved if you like.
It's a huge decision, but you don't need to justify yourself to anyone. And definitely don't feel ashamed - thinking carefully about whether or not you feel physically and emotionally able to support a pregnancy and a baby is an important thing to consider, especially where your relationship is not in a place that you would like. It's ok to be seriously thinking about it.

Dp says he's fine with us having the baby and will do his best. But I think that he doesn't particularly care either way. I'm positive that he wouldn't be upset if I didn't keep the pregnancy. If I do, who knows? He's hardly the worst guy in the world, he's from a nice family, he's quite sensible. But he can be rather selfish and uncaring at times.

I don't have a massive amount of support in rl, but then I didn't with ds and I've managed. I've got family, they'd babysit for a few hours if I needed a break.

I have siblings and they pretty much drove me insane and still do. But my one sibling has always resented my existence and my other oversteps boundaries, expecting to borrow money, doesn't pay it back.

I would truly hope my children could have a better relationship

Thanks nessalina, I did see pregnancy choices but I was concerned it might be one sided towards termination when I'm really not sure.

I was hoping somebody may come along and say they've been in a similar situation and it's all worked out fine.

Well, that says a lot about how you're feeling elephant - people considering terminating usually either want to be convinced that it's ok for them to do it, or they want to hear that they can manage and it'll all be ok.

If you want it to be ok, it will be ok.

All a new baby needs is love, and if you know you can give that whether or not your 'D'P is interested, then you'll manage. Worrying about your how your DS will feel is also very normal - just because you've had difficulties with your siblings doesn't mean he will. Having another baby doesn't mean there won't be enough love left for your DS, it's likely he'll love having a little brother or sister

Start by tackling the sickness - I've not experienced bad MS myself, but I know it can be incredibly wearing and dispiriting. Get yourself to the GP and tell them how much it's getting you down, and push for some anti-sickness meds ASAP. There is no need to suffer!

Pregnancy Choices is just that by the way - there's no pro-abortion agenda, just pro-choice and support whichever way you decide to go xx

If you weren't so ill and your partner more supportive, would you be considering ending the pregnancy? The nausea won't last forever and the supportive partner may not re-emerge post termination.

Do you want another child? Not a sibling for your son but another child that you would be emotionally, physically and financially responsible for?

Definitely go to the GP about the sickness. It sounds like you might have hyperemesis gravidum (just like Kate Windsor) which is horrible but treatable.
As to whether or not to end the pregnancy, it's your body. No one has the right to tell you what to do with it. If now is not a good time for you physically or mentally to continue the pregnancy it's OK to put a stop to it.

If we had 3 bedrooms, if dp was more understanding, and if I felt well then no, I don't think I would consider ending the pregnancy.

I don't think my sickness is as bad as having HG which is why I'm slightly embarrassed to go moaning to the GP.

It's constant, all day and night nausea, like car sickness it's exhausting, I'm throwing up but not constantly, I throw up if I have to take a car journey, or if I eat the wrong thing, for example I crunched a bit of shell in. My egg sandwich and that was it, threw the lot up. I have to eat really slowly and not smell the food and I won't throw up. The car journey Saturday was horrendous, I wanted to go away for a couple of nights with ds for half term but I don't feel up to travelling. But I don't think I'm at risk of dehydration or anything.

Thanks for all being so kind. I rang Marie Stopes just now and have arranged telephone counselling for tomorrow. Not sure if it will be of any help.

Feeling crappy in pregnancy isn't a competition, the GP won't send you packing because you're not as sick as someone he saw the week before! You're feeling crap for YOU, and you can definitely get help with that, so get an appointment booked ASAP Constant nausea is just as debilitating as actually throwing up!

If we had 3 bedrooms
Not a problem. The most impressive woman I know raised five children on her own in a two bedroomed house. They're nearly all adult now and they still live with her.
There, that's one issue dealt with. Good luck with the rest.

Please talk to your midwife. I felt exactly the same as you, my son Is 5, but this pregnancy was planned. I've had 3mc previously and so wanted another child. I have been so ill that at times it has been unbareable, and I have suffered terribly with anxiety. At times I didn't think I could cope but I'm 11 weeks tomorrow and finally starting to feel a bit more human. Although it feels like forever, you won't feel this sick for much longer. Nobody can tell you what to do, it is entirely your choice but please seek some advice and support before making a decision. Good luck.