Help with practicalities of leaving

[MistletoeBUTNOwine]

I've decided to leave EA dp.
We own a house together but I need to leave with dcs as his idea is he just moves into spare room and that doesn't work (tried before)
I can't afford the mortgage on this house I'm on the last 3 months of unpaid maternity leave so pretty poor.
I've applied for tax credits and I receive the chb.
I do have £4000 savings so can get money together for a house or flat to rent.
I'm after a hand to hold and some RL experiences anyone can share.
Will we be ok?
I haven't told him we're leaving yet.
What should I do first?
This is scary

You will be OK provided you have a reasonable plan of action and if you get as much help and support as possible, both professionally and from friends/family.

If you own a house together I would suggest that you get legal advice as priority. As a DP rather than a DW you're in a relatively weak position and the house presumably represents an amount of cash that you will need in order to start fresh.

I would like to know what kind of behaviour you are calling 'EA' for context. If you are in actual fear of harm, put safety first and move out. If it's just awkward, try to stick around. A hostile ex partner can make a house sale very difficult, might default on the mortgage, all kinds of things that will erode your investment.

Give your documents amd passports to a trusted friend or to a parent. I posted a lot of things home to my parents bit by bit so that when i walked out the door finally i had very little with me. It is scary, but you will feel you are back in control afterwards.

Have you contacted Women's Aid as they may have some helpful ideas?

Have a word with the mortgage supplier to see if they can switch to interest only so you can stay in the house. You don't have to buy P out as he can retain an interest in the house until it is sold but you need legal advice to sort this, you can get free legal advice for half an hour if you ring around.

Try to get child care sorted ASAP and look at getting back to work as being employed will make things easier if you stay in the house.

Ensure your safety as a priority as things often get worse when the woman leaves.

I've spoken to women's aid, they're very good. Kind of validating if that makes sense? He's verbally abusive, to me and DD (9) financially controlling, drinks and gets aggressive,

A local DV service have spoken to me, there may be a flat we can move into, just awaiting a call to see if we meet their criteria.
I just want to be away from him. Slept on dd's floor last night.

If there's DV involved and he's aggressive then you're right to put your safety first. Good luck getting a place.