Long-time poster but have NC. Just don't want this info to be privy to anybody I know in real life.
DP and I been 'officially' together almost four years. No kids yet, we have talked about adoption when we're in a position to-in fact I joined MN mainly for this reason.We live together, joint mortgage.
Recently, I was on his computer looking for an email from his Mum, I had to email her about something and I didn't have her email address saved.
I'm sort of ashamed of this because I usually frown on anybody who would go through anybody's emails, but I snooped-I clicked on the first email in his inbox because his emails show the first line of what the sender has said, It's the way he has it set up. And it read;
'Hi babe, where were you?Are you okay? From him.
I scrolled down the email to previously sent emails and the ongoing conversation was very elusive-as if they'd also been also communicating through another medium. I couldn't find his sents to her sents IYSWIM. But the gist was, 'Lisa' had told him to contact her through a link. I clicked the link and it looked like a very 'explicit' dating site. Blatantly just about sex. It may have even been a porn or escort site disguised as one, I don't know.
He had said to her 'I can meet you in X (local bar/restaurant) at X time if you like' And then subsequently, email from him 'where were you' that I saw originally.
Let me say I am very relaxed with DP. Most of the time, I don't care if he watches porn. I've never been jealous of other women he knows, I don't care if he has female friends, he's still friends with a couple of his exes, I'm not bothered. All I ask for is trust and honesty and for if there's something wrong, we talk about it like adults and sort it out.
But THIS, has bothered me-because It's behind my back and it reads to me as if this is a girl on a porn or 'adult' dating site, or an escort site even, he's mistakenly thought it was a 'normal' dating site, and (unsuccessfully!) arranged to meet her. I don't think that's acceptable.
OR, he KNEW what type of site it was, and still arranged to meet her.
She obviously hasn't met him , that's a relief.
I don't want to tell him I've snooped-one thing though, 90% of the time his emails are open. He KNOWS I could look any time if I was so inclined, so why would he have that email lying about?
Another thing , he isn't an energetic person. He works but apart fromt hat his main loves in life are just relaxing at home, on the net or watching TV, he has artistic hobbies but again, he always does them at home. He rarely goes out and if I want to go out somewhere I either go alone or I have to drag him. I can't see him using the initiative to decide to go and meet someone.
He's a drinker on occasion. He'll drink at home though, invite a friend round then continue after they've gone. This has happened a couple of times recently but I can't remember when exactly to see if the dates of the emails correspond.
Since it happened, I've told him that my intuition is very good (this is true and he KNOWS this) and I've a sense something's wrong, it might be something minor-has he been flirting with anybody, is there anything going on because I'd rather just know.Flat out denial. I was hoping he'd tell me and say ' I did something really dumb when I was drunk but nothing happened and I'd never actually do anything it was just idiotic online flirting' etc etc.
If he had, I'd have bollocked him and taken time to forgive, but I COULD forgive if it was that.
I'm in limbo now.
Any opinions appreciated!