My mother has lost the plot

[Hugeheadache]

I live in the US, and recently gave birth via c section to a premature baby. She has recently been spending some time in SBCU and is doing ok. Obviously this is has been a difficult time as we have no family or support network where we live. Based on what comes next, this might be actually a good thing.
I am estranged from my father due to his drinking problem and therefore I chose to notify my mother only. As the section happened late at night in the UK, I emailed her with the news. She intially replied with a one liner of congratulations asking me when I would be on skype. I replied i wasn't sure as I had a lot to deal with, what with recovering from section trying to get down to SBCU and further down the line getting my milk expressed for the baby. So she proceeded to bombard me with a few emails with 15 questions to which I was expected to respond. At no point did she ask which hospital I was in and room no, with a view perhaps to calling me directly.
After a few exchanges, she then went on to ask when and why I wasn't informing some relatives whom I haven't seen in a long time, am vaguely in touch with and would inform once I was ready to. I explained to her I would only inform people once we understood the situation better and what the prospects for our newborn were. She also complained that after a few days our baby had not been named yet, to which I replied we were waiting for the breathing apparatus to come off so we could see her face properly and hold her.
After waiting 'patiently' for a day or so, she continued pestering me with these concerns despite my reasonable explanations and asking her to tell the relatives herself. Eventually it culminated in her telling me I was rude and inconsiderate for not being in touch with the family, and it was disgraceful we hadn't named the baby yet. All this within the 1st 5 days of the baby being in hospital.
At this stage I told her to FO and her emails were going to spam from now on.
Now she has history of this type of unreasonable behaviour but I feel she has crossed the red line, and I really feel like going NC because I strongly believe it is better to avoid surrounding yourself and children with toxic people, but as we are related, it is not so simple.
Curious to know what the MNetters would do in this situation?

Exactly what you have done.. well done. You don't need the extra stress and it's time to concentrate on yourself and your little bundle. Congratulations.

What gamerchick said.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby daughter, by the way x

Congratulations!

Sounds as if you have done the right thing.

My PFB was prem.

My husband phoned both sets of parents.

That was all that occurred to us.

Can you delegate comms to your other half? Get him/her to field all calls/emails etc. She obviously wants to be involved but is being massively unskillful about it and selfish too. I think you are right in what you have done, but the down side is it causes you more stress as you spend time thinking about what she said/did/etc.

I think you will feel much better and be able to concentrate on your lovely new baby and leave ALL of the rest of it to someone else to handle. Good luck whatever you decide though.

Congratulations on the birth of your dd! I.think your mother has behaved appallingly and you did the right thing. Maybe leave things now, don't contact her and get your partner to take any further calls our screen your e mails and see how you feel in a bit. NC id always an option or low contact with.some string boundaries. Feel free to post on the stately homes thread here in relationships, e are very nice and have similarly difficult parents.
Xx

Thanks for your kind words everyone. I cannot believe how appalling her behaviour has been (and believe me, it is not as if she has set the bar particularly high) but given the circumstances and since I was giving her very plausible reasons, she should have taken a step back.
Unfortunately, my DH cannot take over comms as there is a language barrier (she speaks Italian, he doesn't much) and frankly he doesnt know how to deal with her as she is hard work.
Obviously I haven't told her the name and I am going to put her 'on ice' to give her time to 'reflect'.

Thanks for the pointer Goodtobetter: I will check the thread.

Xx

Definitely put her on ice, but make it for you, to give you time to care for and bond with your baby, and, when you have time and mental space for it, to reflect on what terms you would like to conduct a relationship with your mother.

It's a vain hope that she will use the time to reflect on her own behaviour and improve it. Selfish and demanding people rarely change, or even accept to look at the error of their ways.

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter.

GoatsDoRoam, I am afraid you are right. I did receive several emails afterwards with a flurry of justifications for the things she said, but God forbid, no apologies. She will never admit the error of her ways, or consider the impact her words have had.
In her mind, it is important for her to make sure her point of view is heard, except she would incapable of repeating anyone elses point of view because she doesn't listen. And when that person gets angry, it is obviously that person's fault for losing her temper.
Anyway I will join the stately home thread. I think I will probably pick up many tips on how to disentangle myself.

Gosh you had more patience than most would have had in that situation! You did exactly the right thing, good instincts.
Congratulations on your lovely daughter, I hope she's doing well.

I don't know if you feel the same, but the second DS1 came out of me I felt my world-view shift - it wasn't an emotional feeling as such IYSWIM, more that I felt my priorities and relationship to everything subtly change, as DS1 suddenly came to the top of every list.
If I'd been in your shoes I'd have done just the same, tho possibly blunter.
From what you've written, it sounds like your mother sees herself at the top of everyone's lists, and is a bit peeved that you're unavailable. She'll get the hang of it soon enough if you stick to your guns. If she doesn't, then frankly it's her loss, you're right, your DD does not need a toxic Nonna.

FWIW, when DSis rang my mum to say I was in labour, she was told "Well I can't come now, I have seedlings in the greenhouse".