Will second baby adversely affect relationship with dh? How to prevent

[Mrsgrumble]

Dc2 due soon. Lately I am feeling a bit down/overwhelmed (got pg very close afte dc1)

I am very lucky / grateful but sort of worry where it will leave us. We met in our thirties and time was ticking and married fairly quickly. Don't regret that but there wasnt a huge spark like I had with previous boyfriends - good steady man is what I wanted and got. He is a good man and good friend. Physical side if things is very poor at the moment. We are affectionate though.

I don't want to talk to him a out it because this close to baby, being the size of big momma and exhaustion working full time, pg and minding a very active baby are taking their toll.

I am trying to stay attractive - gt nails done, wear make up etc but just feel I am destined to be un appalling and have no fun in my life :(

Are you really asking if the new baby is going to affect the relationship or are you saying you think you made a mistake sacrifice 'spark' for 'safe'?

I married for life so I can't say it's a mistake but its been hard work at time- dividing finances, we have a good amount in cm,on but it's all very serious and tedious a the moment.

We didn't live together before marriage so it wasnt what i expected but I just hope things will be ok long term. I need to get more nights out with female friends etc

Dh is very sensible and though kind, doesn't really get me or make my world spin. But I know I am lucky and I am probably hard work too, so it isn't ll brilliant for him either.

In common not cm

It all sounds rather joyless if you'll pardon the observation. There's lot of debate as to whether world-rocking and spark are important in a marriage. Personally, I think they are. When you're at you're most stretched and least glam, it's vital that the person you're with still looks at you and sees a goddess. :) And vice versa of course.

An elderly couple I knew epitomised this. It was her 75th birthday and he bought her some new boots. We were all admiring them and he looked lovingly at his DW with a proud smile. 'She's always had a smashing pair of legs'

Mrsgrumble I think it's usually to feel overwhelmed/bit fed up. You have a lot on your plate, pregnant, working full time, toddler.
I found the early years of babies and toddlers rather boring. Of course I loved the babies but they are all consuming, I was very tired and overwhelmed. Dh was too.
I didn't live with my Dh before we married. Discovered on our wedding night he wanted to go to sleep while listening to the radio.
So I suppose what I'm trying to say is give it some time. Keep doing the things that make you feel good about yourself. Ask for help, try and get some time with Dh maybe, a night out or something you would have done before first baby arrived. Maybe he's feeling a bit out of his depth too.
Remember all the good reasons you married him and love him. They are still there. They have just got lost a bit in the humdrum ness of having children.

Thank you heather. I can remember so well the feeling of emptiness, wanting children, my house to feel a home. I know I am lucky. I guess I am missing laughter and fun. Dh is sensible and serious but compared to some relationships I hear about, that's not always bad.

He gets excited about things I don't .. Hopefull we will get there

Your comment he just doesn't get me reminds me so much of my ex husband and me. Our relationship didn't last he didn't get me didn't find me funny or quirky just weird and different and I found him dull and boring even though he was a good man and husband. I felt so lonely I hope you find your way through

Personally, I wouldn't worry too much if you're not swinging from the chandeliers in ecstasy when you're at the end of your pregnancy. Some people manage it, but I think most probably don't. And when you factor in two pregnancies close together and all the exhaustion that entails its hardly surprising.

What worries me more is that you say about how your DH doesn't get you - that he's safe, kind, whatever, but that he doesn't rock your world. He SHOULD rock your world in the early years of your relationship. Settling into a slightly tedious married life is all very well when you're 10 or 20 years in, but I'm concerned that you feel so out of sync with him now, when you've only been together such a short time. It sounds like you settled for him because it was better than remaining single and childless (and you certainly wouldn't be the first woman to do that), but its not exactly the best foundation for a whole life commitment.

Thanks all for listening, I am having a bad day I think. I do think we aren't a total match. I am very quiet as a person but I used to love eatting drunk and going out most weekends for fifteen years, flirt, have fun. I think I just have to accept life's not meant to be like that anymore.

Also dh tends to jump out of bed and go to churchm for a run or tend to baby (good I know!) but not really show much interest in me. Feeling really sorry for myself. He's all into house searches at the moment but I think he's always into something and unless I book something or make plans he would sit and clear out bins or fix stuff (again good I know) but a bit of me misses the bad boy types. I ran away from men I really fancied because I thought they wouldn't settle and that's wrong I see now.

In saying that I have a good career, lovely home, second baby on the way and five years ago I had a broken heart and was very lonely. So I am going to shut my mouth now and try and be grateful. Night night and thanks again.

'Grateful' is not a good basis for a relationship. Just because your DH is not a bad man, it doesn't mean he's the right man. Why do you feel obliged to shut your mouth? Don't you think you deserve better than to be ignored in favour of bins?