Somewhat deflated - DD related

[Wh0dathunkit]

So, I just discovered, via DB that my DD never wanted to be a dad. I've deliberately never had children because of the health of DD - I feel that I'd never want to put children through what he (and eventually what DM) put me through.
I have put my life and relationships on hold for his health, and I thought he was a great guy - I've only just realised that he was never really there, just a dude, who pays you back for helping him out with money (he paid me back for flying across the world to be there for him by paying off my student loans).
I've only just started to understand the other side of him - it's depressing - he'd rather just pretend we (and our feelings - I mean me, my DB and my DM, to whom he is divorced) were just people who didn't need any Dad input.

DB has been in therapy recently - which probably explains this revelation - we're both a bit fuzzled by where our lives have taken us & how our past has impacted it.

Just sad right now. I'm not really asking for answers, just a bit of symathy.

That's an awful thing to find out at any age. He's a sad person really.

If he wants to just be some random guy not really in your life, let him go. Start living the life YOU want. He's had his, and I suspect a lot of yours. Don't let him have anymore.

You know, because of him, you know how not to be a parent, you aren't him.
and (((hugs)))

How upsetting.

How did your father's health make you decide not to have children? I don't quite understand that bit.

Thanks both for your swift responses :)

IrenetheQuaint - I've been the one that dad turns to every time something crops up since I was 19 - and it's been one thing after another - none of it minor, and whilst I don't blame him for it, I'm a bit pissed off that he's a crap human being in the interim! I just felt from that age that I couldn't expect children of mine to put themselves in a carer position. So I didn't have children. It felt like too much to put on a child.

I just feel like I'm waiting for the next thing I'm expected to deal with, but unlike other family members who have been seriously ill, he's just so emotionally distant. To all outsiders, he's just a dude, who just pootles by in life.

Having just spoken to my brother, we're on the same page - I'm perfectly happy to disconnect, not sure my brother feels the same way, he wants to solve everybody's problems!