More a what would you do?

[cogofmetal]

I have an amazing DP. They make me so happy and we do have our ups and downs. The past few months have been difficult with DP trying to finish the relationship but finding it difficult ( a lot of back story but mostly sorted now)

Anyway, because of some of the issues I find myself on edge sometimes and don't know where I stand. I can talk to DP about it and I do, but try to limit how much I ask if everything is ok because I understand how overbearing it can be just because of my own insecurities. But I digress.

DP has a friend which they have had past relations with. I'm not the kind of person to stop them from seeing their friends but always get a little...apprehensious when her name comes up. They have been friends for years so I wouldn't want to distrupt their friendship and she has assured me nothing would ever happen as she is engaged, but I still feel it's unsettling.

So my question is, should I talk to DP about it for my own piece of mind, or am I just being jealous and this could aggrevate things unessessarily?

If you feel uncomfortable or insecure about something it's OK to say so. Having old flames as friends is often a tricky thing to manage with a new partner. Whilst it would be wrong to force him to choose, he should be able to reassure you and find a better kind of balance.

Which relationship is he trying to finish?

Are you saying your partner keeps trying to finish the relationship with you? Or with someone else?

They have been friends for years so I wouldn't want to distrupt their friendship and she has assured me nothing would ever happen as she is engaged, but I still feel it's unsettling.

It's weird that she's reassuring you - Your partner should be doing that, you are his primary relationship not her..............

You have an amazing partner but they want to end the relationship?

DP has wanted to end the relationship with myself.

The relationship is amazing but I have times where I am insecure because of a previous EA relationship I was in. I'm just worried sometimes of getting hurt but sometimes feel I have to be strong and act strong. I feel sometimes DP is going to realise that they can do better because I was made to feel so worthless in previous relationship.

If he wanted to end the relationship with you, the reason you feel so insecure is because of that surely? It's not strong to cling onto someone who tried to break up with you and has an overly-close relationship with an old flame.

Never mind him.... you can do better.

Your relationship isn't amazing if your DP wants to end it.

If your dp keeps trying to end the relationship no wonder you're insecure. He/ she should be showing you how much you are valued by actions and words. You are taking all the blame here. But ultimately your relationship is not making you happy. Have you thought about counselling, to help you to feel stronger and more confident?

When you say your DP is trying to end the relationship, why is he not actually doing so? Are you putting pressure on him and begging and pleading, or threatening that there will be unpleasant consequences if he leaves you? Please bear in mind that you have no right to coerce someone into staying in a relationship with you.

The relationship is making me happy. When we are together everything is amazing, we never argue, always help each other out with anything, offer support to each other all the time.
The whole ending relationship part doesn't bother me, believe me.
The thing that I question, possibly inappropriately, is DP friendship.
I have no grounds to be jealous or anything and I trust DP that nothing will happen. This is more to do with my insecurities regarding the situation.
I might look into counselling though. It might help me feel better and stronger as a person.

Although as I type that, I realise how much stronger I have felt since the start of this relationship. DP always makes me feel good about myself, regardless of what has happened in the past with him.

Why did he want to leave you?

This is very odd. An 'amazing relationship' which DP keeps trying to end? Erm...the ex is the least of your worries.

solid I don't coerce. In fact when DP wanted to end the relationship I simply said ok and walked away because I was aware of the situation and feelings around it. It just developed back into a relationship and I am happy for that.
It does cross my mind sometimes that it hasn't helped with everything, but I have sat down and had a really hard think about it all and realised that I am happy with DP and currently DP is happy with me.

I think to be honest I am worrying over nothing, but will talk with DP about his friendship with this friend of his.

The thread title is 'what would you do?' and what I would do if someone wanted to leave me and spend lots of time with an old flame would be to tell them it had been nice knowing them & to not close the door too loudly on the way out. I would feel I had sold myself short if I asked them to stick around.

cogito he wanted to leave me because things were progressing to fast for both of us and so for DP the answer was to finish it completely.
DP doesn't keep trying to end it, just that once, but that was at the beginning of the year. Since then things have been great, we talk to each other all the time now if there are any issues.

Probably should follow suit with that and discuss this as well

I'm not being snarky, honestly, but do you think you should gather your thoughts and be a bit clearer, OP? You initially said DP was trying to end the relationship over the past few months. Your last post said it was just once at the beginning of the year but now you have this amazing relationship.

How long have you been with your DP?

It certainly doesn't sound like this relationship is making you happy, if you're posting on here about it.

Are you sure it's YOUR issues making you feel insecure, rather than HIS friendship with an old flame, perhaps with inappropriate boundaries? Because that would make anyone feel insecure. Just what is HE doing to make sure that both you and old flame know that you are his priority?

And dump-then-come-back is hardly known for making people feel safe and loved.

This relationship has plenty to make you feel insecure. No wonder you're posting here.

If it's not making you feel safe and happy, OP, why be in it ?

Yes, I am sorry. I had a few glasses of wine last night before posting.
DP did try to end the relationship closer to the beginning of the year but we do have an amazing relationship.
Last night my head was just a little foggy so probably haven't been clear so I apologise to anyone reading.

Over the past few months we have had a bit of turbulence. Nothing that has lead to ending the relationship but when discussing the relationship it has gotten a little heated.

I have been trying to mull over in my mind exactly how I feel with regards to this friendship DP has, and I guess I got myself a little low. And although I have woken feeling better, I do realise now this is something that I would have to discuss with DP. I don't want him to end his friendship because that would be selfish of me, but I do want him to know my feelings on it.

Thank you all, sorry I haven't been very clear

Why do you think his friend would cheat on her fiancee?

Pretty insulting of you really.

Perhaps you need to work on your insecurities.