Dating again after a break up

[DollyRocker1]

I broke up with ex-boyfriend in March. I thought I was over him but I found out today that he's been on a couple of dates with someone new and it's floored me. I've been in tears this afternoon and been reading sections of 'How to Mend Your Broken Heart'.

I'm trying to get back into dating myself and have a couple of dates lined up in the next 10 days and want to feel positive about meeting guys and dating. I now realise that my ex wasn't perfect and there's probably someone lovely out there for me so don't understand why it's so hard to move on.

Do you think that the thought of dating again is making me feel vulnerable? In the past I would have been a bit nervous but excited about the dates. I don't want to cancel them as I've waited a good six months as it is and I know at some point you have to get back on the horse.

There's no rule saying you have to start dating at any particular time. I waited a year after XH moved out before I started dating again and that for me was just right. I think at the moment you possibly don't sound in a good place for dating - I'd leave it a little while longer if I were you.

If you've been rejected it can knock your confidence. Dating is meant to be fun but there's also a bit of a risk involved, getting to know someone new. Think it's important to get your confidence back and feel comfortable in your skin before bringing new people into your life. Otherwise your judgement can be way off. Live life to your schedule rather than still following his.

I don't suppose there's any harm meeting these 2 guys for a coffee and seeing how things go. I went speed dating with a friend a couple of weeks ago and had a brilliant time. So maybe I've just had a bad day. I really enjoyed being single in my 20s but I'm nearly 35 so don't feel I can hold off dating too long.

Coffee with people is nicely low key. Was just worried that your motivation originally seemed to come from feeling - I don't know - 'left behind?' after finding out your ex was back in the saddle and that it might come off as desperate.

I looked up a couple of articles online and it says that most people feel strange or upset about their ex moving on even if they're generally over them. Even if my ex turned up on the doorstep today and wanted to get back together I'm sure I'd say no as logically I know that he wouldn't make a great husband for me.

Cognito, I think that you hit the nail on the head that deep down this is about having been rejected and being apprehensive that this will happen again. I know I need to mentally toughen up a bit. The strange thing is that in a work perspective I'm pretty confident and can handle challenging situations. But for some reason this just doesn't translate to my love life.