Surely I am normal to feel upset with this

[Pigriver]

My DH has a couple of strange sleep issues. One being acting aggressively and lashing out in his sleep and has on a few occasions hit me in the face with his arm/elbow. This usually happens when he has been drinking so I usually sleep in the other room.
Another thing is he gets rather horny in his sleep and erm tries it on...

This morning he rolled over to spoon me and started to fondle me. This progressed to him trying to pull down my pyjama buttons and rub up against me. At this point I rolled away and he grabbed me tightly so I told him to get off and pulled away. He half woke up and seemed confused then rolled over and went back to sleep. About half an hour later he did it again at which point I got rather cross and got up.
When he woke up later I explained again what had happened and he had no idea why I might be a bit upset as in his mind 'I was asleep I didn't know what I was doing' which I get but also I want to be able to sleep without being harassed and I shouldn't just put up with it even if he says 'how can I change what I can't control'.
It just kind of felt like he thought I was being unreasonable. I am not sure what advice anyone can give me, maybe I just need someone to tell me if I an being reasonable by being upset by this.

Hello, not quite sure what to say to you that will be of any help but I do understand how frustrating this can be my husband goes through phases of been very restless in his sleep and hes quite iratic, odd occasions he will hump my leg. Usually an elbow or kick will make him turn round but like your chap it starts again. Ive always put it down to him been stressed as hes not had any issues for a while.

Also alchohol will also make my husband very restless its like hes asleep but his bodys fighting it to be awake.

I will be following this thread with interest as im sure the problem in our bed will flare up at some point

Sexomnia. He needs to see his doctor.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_sex

www.sexomnia.org/

I can do all kinds of things in my sleep.

I have no idea I do them.

If I drink it can be worse, it has improved as I get older but it's still there. I think if it is being troublesome to you then a GP visit is in order.

Is it only when he has been drinking? If so then when he drinks, he sleeps in the spare room.

Is he definitely asleep? If so then I agree with SelfLoathing - he needs to see a doctor.

Secondly his reaction is rather worrying. He's just been told that he attempted unwanted sex with you - he should be horrified, not miffed that you're annoyed about it.

I have hit DH in my sleep before, though. I think that's fairly common. I'm not aiming to hit anybody, just flailing about.

While he's seeing the doctor, move yourself into another bedroom and make sure it has a strong lock.

He is a very deep sleeper. He snores terribly even after surgery and I am sure he has sleep apnea but the doctors said no. He will often talk in his sleep and has very disturbed sleep. He is always tired despite 7 hours of sleep each night plus lie ins on a weekend. He would sleep until mid day if I let him.
I really do understand he can't help it but part of me thinks I can't just put up with it.
If we have sex I want it to be because we both want to not that he is asleep and acting out sexy dreams and having sex with the dream rather than actually wanting to have sex with me. I would also like him to remember it!

When he has been drinking he gets a bit clingy and want to cuddle in bed. It is just easier to wait till he is asleep and sleep in the other room. That does sound ridiculous but he really isn't a drinker and is a bit of a lightweight!

The aggressiveness is when he is asleep after drinking so happens very very rarely as we don't really drink. The sleep humping is pretty regular. Most weekend mornings he will wake me with enthusiastic thrusting. He definitely is asleep as he will thrust and grunt for a bit then continue to snore.
Every now and again it will go a bit further with the groping and trying to undress me and this is what I get cross with. Mainly because he is always caring and respectful during sex but when he is asleep he is much more forceful and not like him at all.

It would bother me too.

Yes, it's not on for him to expect you to be fine with it. It's not really consensual if he's not aware of you at all, which would be the way I'd put it to him. But it is a recognised medical condition and your GP can help if he can get over the embarrassment of asking for help with it.

He's got to take this more seriously and see his doctor. You don't want to end up like the poor wife of Brian Thomas, killed by her sleeping husband because he thought she was an intruder. link here

Oh dear I really don't think I will be able to get him to see a doctor about this. I read the links to the websites and it seems that the only treatment is sedatives that don't always work. I think I will have another chat to him and point him in the direction of the reading materials.
A bit of empathy would be nice - I'm really sorry that happened, are you ok etc.
Hopefully I can be a bit more coherent next time explaining why it was upsetting rather than the rambling nagging this morning.

Pig, I wouldn't like to be sedated because I sometimes do the equivalent of sleep walking.

But then again, if it was having a bad effect on my DH, I love him and I would want to explore how I could deal with it.

I'd consider separate beds if he can't or won't get help for his problem.

I agree i wouldn't want him to be sedated either. I know he would do anything to make me happy if it would work. He has already had surgery to try to cure his snoring but it returned after about a year although not as bad as before . We have only recently married so really don't want to be sleeping apart regularly.
We have just had a quick chat and I have asked him to consider a few lifestyle changes such as less caffeine, going to bed earlier and maybe crucially smoking less (hopefully give up) weed. This is something I have been pushing for since we got together. He gave up cigarettes 3 months after meeting me but has been resistant to giving up the weed. He said he would stop when we have children which I do believe but I'd rather he did it sooner rather than later.

Hel'll give up the weed when you have children, yeah right.

Your emotional and physical well being while he sleeps, appears not to be high up on his priority list and his half arsed response is not good enough.

If he wants to drink, fine but he will not be sharing your bed when he does. If he starts humping you, wake him up and ask him to leave the bed. Self interest is a great motivator and right now, your upset isn't motivating him to access more help, make lifestyle change etc, maybe sleeping solo will.

What kind of marriage do you want? Having your legitimate concerns ignored or trivialised gets old pretty damn quick. You're newly married, start as you mean to go on, dont fall into the trap of thinking that his attitude will magically change when xyz happens.