Do i leave at 24 weeks pregnant?

[Sarahpx]

I have been with Paul for a year and a half. Before we got together I was warned he had a temper with his last girlfriend, but had no idea how bad it was and naively believed i was different and he wouldn't lose his temper with me.

The beginning was great he was the most caring boyfriend i ever had. After 3 months of going out, Paul got into a fight with his step dad which resulted in us finding a place and moving in together. Long story short thats when I met the real Paul. He was angry all the time for no reason, would go out on a Thursday for a few drinks and I wouldn't hear from him until he came home on a sunday night. He worked offshore and when he was away, if he facetimed me and there was no answer he would tell me to pack my
Things and move out. Eventually it just became easier to stay in the house unless i was at work so i could be available to answer any call. He has broke at least 6 of my phones and smashed my car up twice and smashed our lounge window when he has been drunk and angry. No one knows what our relationship is like except his mum.

Shortly after i announced i was 12 weeks pregnant he caused a scene at my best friends wedding where i was bridesmaid and i had to leave early. Since being pregnant he has also started to lose his temper when sober too. Everytime he goes out drinking i move our cars away from
The house and stay up all night in fear he comes home in a mood. He is out just now and am wondering if it would be the perfect time to escape. But i am 24 weeks pregnant, when drunk he says his life is over due to this baby. I have nowhere to go. What do i do? Will he change with professional help?

Yes, you leave. Call Womens Aid and speak to them. You and your unborn baby absolutely do not deserve to live like this.

No he will not get better, only worse.

Yes you need to leave and leave asap.

Ring Women's Aid and Shelter as well as your local council for housing help.

If it's so bad you are considering leaving right now ring the police in case he comes back mid flight.

There is very little professional help available that would even touch the sides with this man. He'd have to want to change and he'd have to enter some kind of abuser's programme (and there are a few of them around). And lets face it why would he want to change? He has you and his life exactly where he wants it. He can behave how he likes with no consequences. And that is not meant as a reflection on you, because there is very little you can do about it. The only thing you can do is leave. And any abuser programme worth its salt would expect you to have left before he enters it.

I would suggest reporting post and asking for partners name to be removed . And yes please leave for your sake and your baby, you both deserve so much better.

I have used false names

I would say that being 24 weeks pregnant is a very good reason for leaving. Do you want your precious, soft, sensitive little baby to be brought up in a house with a man like that, who is already talking about it having ruined his life? I know you'll be hoping he will take one look at his little son or daughter and morph into a good-tempered, indulgent, caring father, but can you honestly say you believe, with your rational head on, that he will? Because I don't even need to have met him to assure you confidently he won't. A new baby is enough of a strain on the most solid partnerships. How will he cope with disturbed nights (when/if he's home)? Imagine if he smashes your stuff and the baby screams in fright? It doesn't bear thinking about.

Get away, and get away fast.

Please take steps to get yourself away from this abusive and threatening man. If he wants help he has to seek it for himself. You are not responsible for his behaviour and you should not be a victim of it either. If you have nowhere to go and don't know where to start please call Women's Aid 0808 2000 247. Hope you find safety and happiness.

I sometimes think some posters are far too keen to encourage women to leave their partners. But not in this case. He is controlling you and you are living in fear. Things are bad now but could very easily get a lot worse.
The only thing 'lucky' about this situation is that you have a chance to get out before your baby is born. Please get help and take it. Living like that is no life at all for you and your little one.

God he sounds terrifying. Please please do not subject your baby to this man. He won't change and I dread to think of the baby hearing his rows, how the rows will be absorbed by this beautiful little mind and how they will corrupt him/her as an adult.

Abuse runs in families for this very reason. Please stay strong and go.

When I was pregnant I had no idea how much pressure a baby puts on a relationship, dealing with sleep deprivation can make any reasonable person feel frazzled and silly little arguments definitely increased, I can't even imagine being in that situation with someone with anger problems.

I would get in contact with woman's aid, and start making plans to leave. Best of luck to you, keep yourself and your baby safe.

Get out! Now!

You must leave, you are at very high risk and so is your unborn baby. The behaviour you have described is that of an abuser and they are at their most dangerous when the woman is pregnant. Ring woman's aid to find out how to leave safely. Be careful about confiding in his mother, they sometimes can't help but take sides and she could put you at risk if you give her any information about your plans.
Very worried for you Sarahpx. Do get some advice quick.

Hes still not home and ive still not left! Why do i find it so hard to leave i know now i dont deserve to be treated like this!

Please leave him and (contentious I know) and have no further contact. No name on birth certificate, no contact to inform him that baby has been born etc.
You have a baby to nurture and protect and the rest of your lives ahead of you, without his toxic presence for potentially the next eighteen years.

He will only get worse. I speak from experience and regret that I didn't do the above.

It's often hard to get out of a cage. In your case the cage is created by a combination of fear if his behaviour and the hope that it might get better because there's a baby on its way.

If he's away still, please ask for help. You do deserve better and this is your opportunity

You must leave. I know it's hard especially as you love him and want him so desperately to change. But it would be so unfair to bring a beautiful innocent baby into that situation. Leave. Leave him a note if u want to explain but that's it. You have to go! Please

He came home eventually and I checked his phone when he was sleepin, he had been textin his ex asking to meet her and give him another chance. It was the last straw. I'm in the process of packing and am moving back to my mums. Thank you all for your strong words, help give me the push i needed

Oh goodness, not the day you were expecting to have. I hope you're ok.

Talk about adding insult to injury. I'm sorry it took something like this to force you to act but glad you've got somewhere to go. I think you'll look back on this moment as a very lucky escape. His poor ex, right?

Thinking of you. You know you're doing the right thing by escaping this awful man and finding somewhere safe to live and raise your child.

Stay strong, and do not waver for a moment.

Good for you, please do not go back no matter what he says.

So relieved to see this update. Please dine waver or look back - or try to do the 'right' thing by encouraging a relationship with his child.

So glad you're escaping this relationship, you and your baby deserve much better.

Just a point for the future, don't put him on the baby's birth certificate, it'll give him parental rights and he might use them to try to control you. You could also talk to your midwife about what's happened to get the violence logged somewhere in case you need to protect you and your baby in the future. Best of luck!

Hi sarah
I hope you are at your mums and that that weight has lifted off of your shoulders.

Hope you're safely at your mums so you can start to relax and enjoy your pregnancy x