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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice please re mad SIL

5 replies

anonymousse · 02/10/2006 17:37

My brother has been married for about a decade. SIL has always had a problem with our family and has created all sorts of problems over the years. To cut a very long story short, she is extrememly insecure, neurotic, paranoid, is emotionally very immature and has a dreadful temper. She also has something of a
control issue and is exceptionally jealous. I
personally think she probably has a personality
disorder and I know she has spoken to counsellors in the past.

She has always been very
difficult towards my Mother and Father (both elderly) and myself. She has great emotional outbursts at times of stress (esp Christmas), has tantrumed, left vile messages on answerphones etc etc.

I can't really be specific incase she comes on here, as her behaviour is so out of order it would be easily identifiable. It seems that because we try not to react to her for the sake of family harmony, she picks on smaller and smaller things to find fault with. If we put a foot wrong, she will take offense (or do I mean offence? sorry, mind gone blank - no sleep last night), for literally a year at a time. But she has put several hundred feet wrong and we are expected to turn a blind eye because 'she can't help it', 'it's just her', 'it's her nationality' - quotes from my Brother.

I would ignore, but have had a conversation with my bro' in which he has asked me not to call or e-mail him and has admitted that any contact at all from us, to which he responds, causes enormous arguments for weeks because it is disloyal of him to do so. She thinks it is disloyal because all her family have had enough of her and therefore for him to have contact with his is disloyal (I know, slight slip up in logic there, but there you go).

I have decided to leave well alone. He has lost all perspective and I have told him this, but I believe he needs to see this for himself.

I'm really interested to know what you would do though?

thanks

OP posts:
SSSandy · 02/10/2006 17:39

sounds like she is trying to provoke a split and force dh to choose between her and his family

anonymousse · 02/10/2006 17:51

Sorry, I should have made clear, she's already done that. My parents have barely seen them since Christmas, and I haven't seen them at all since then (despite having a baby). What I was asking for an opinion on, was whether I should try and help my brother to see that this behaviour is not normal and will escalate further, and that she needs help? I couldn't really potray it in my post, but she has literally alienated everyone in their lives, has no friends and will not allow him to see us.

OP posts:
Finbar · 02/10/2006 18:10

Anonymousse
Unfortunatley I have had a not too dissimilar experiecne, and my honest opinion would be to leave well alone and preserve your own sanity and the harmony of your own immediate family.

Your brother may know excatly what you are trying to say, but will be torn in his loyalties. If he is goign to leave, will do it when he's had enough. Its really painful and you can't believe taht your family can be messed about like this - but it does happen. You mention 'nationality' and I know you can't disclose which one, but interstingly my own family problems were apparently influence dina similar way and we were told that's just the way she is - I wasn't convinced...bad behaviour is bad behvaiour.

really feel for you though. HTH.

anonymousse · 03/10/2006 02:12

Finbar, maybe you are the other SIL that she has also succeeded in falling out with!

I don't want them to split up, they have young children. Her behaviour has now become so extreme, I just want him to recognise that and get some help for her. I want my parents to be able to enjoy their last years knowing they are OK, rather than the constant worry they have now. Plus, I'd like to be able to e-mail my brother a few times a year; don't think that's too much to ask really!

Thanks for the reply

A

OP posts:
notasheep · 03/10/2006 07:27

Disloyal-what a load of.....
If that was my brother i WOULD call him and e mail him,sorry not much help for you

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