Lundy Bancroft

[theoriginalposter]

How can I buy the book with H finding out? E book is out of the question as we use my account on the dc's devices so my purchases appear. H is also way more IT literate than I am so I would be forever worried about covering my tracks...

Can you borrow it from the library? You can even read it at the library if you don't want to risk bringing it home.

Or do you have a friend who can buy it for you? I don't mind buying it and sending it to you.

Could you get a friend to order it? I know it's easy to see anyone's amazon wish list. Not sure if you can also see purchases but recommendations might give the game away if he can get into your amazon account.

Buy it from a book shop with cash?
If necessary, call them and get them to order it in.

Poirot - thanks for the offer I do actually have someone who could order it for me, any idea how much it is? Also, is it particularly large? The library's also a good idea. I could do that in the meantime...

Cheers - do you think I could hide it? Or is it very large/thick?

the one I have is quite thick and a bit bigger than the average paperback. I'd borrow it, though. its written in a horrible American anecdotal style so I resent the £9.39 plus ridiculous postage Amazon want for it. people swear by it, though, and claim it changes lives.

If you're worried enough about a partner that you're trying to hide a book from him, doesn't that tell you all you need to know about the relationship?

I bought mine on amazon and had it delivered to my office; I kept it in my filing drawer there and read it while at work. And yes, it changed my life.

I hear what you're saying cog but I don't usually have to hide books - I think this one's bound to make him upset because of the content. However, I do have to be extremely careful on MN because he checks up on me on here. He thinks I'm "making him out to be the worst husband ever"

goats keeping it at work is a great idea! What's the title (I'm only aware of the author)? Would it be obvious what it's about to any onlookers at work?

You could always do the tried and tested covering it up with a dust jacket from another book if you do need to hide the cover.

Cog makes a good point (as usual!). And if what you're writing on here makes him look like a bad husband then he probably is one. People with good husbands/wives rarely have to vent on here.

"Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men"

Yes, the title and sub-title make it obvious what the subject matter is.

Just LTB already..............

squid I would do but a) I'm not sure if his behaviour has been genuinely abusive or just misguided and b) he seems to be very sincerely apologetic and is actually making demonstrable changes (therapy for example). I want to find out whether he is genuinely abusive so I can make an informed assessment of whether these changes will actually work...

do you think I could hide it? Or is it very large/thick?

No idea I'm afraid it's not a book I've seen.

Agree with the advice of covering it with a dust jacket from another book. If you are that concerned, you could remove the cover totally, break the spine and divide the book up into smaller parts so could carry a bit with you and read it one bit at a time.

Can you get a kindle app on your phone? You could set up a different amazon acct and login to the app with it and download it that way.

squid I would do but a) I'm not sure if his behaviour has been genuinely abusive or just misguided and b) he seems to be very sincerely apologetic and is actually making demonstrable changes (therapy for example). I want to find out whether he is genuinely abusive so I can make an informed assessment of whether these changes will actually work...

If you are having to hide books and monitor what you say on here as you are being "checked-up on" then even I can tell you sweetie that yes you are in an abusive relationship.

Abuse doesn't have to be physical. I hope you get hold of the book and I truly hope it helps!

It's not available on Kindle though - which is a real pain. It's papercopy only. Yes it's bigger (height/width) that your average paperback, so hiding it somewhere safe in the house, or at work, is your only option.

I read it. I can't say it changed my life, because he'd already gone. But I did spot an awful lot of STBXH in there and it helped me understand my own behaviour in dealing with him. I helped me accept there was something wrong with his attitude and behaviour, and that was not my fault.

Lundy is bringing out an E-book to help those still in controlling relationships in April 2015.

However, I'm pretty confident you'll find your 'therapy man' in there. It's very worth a read.