I have a problem I need help with. Up until a week ago me and my fiancée were very happy. We were planning our engagement party, wedding and discussing having a baby. She has three kids from a previous relationship and since splitting with their dad he has not been seen or heard from unless he wants money. He recently became homeless and because I have been homeless before I agreed that he could stay with us for a couple of nights under the one condition that if it came between me and my fiancée he would be gone. Needless to say it did come between us and has caused problems since.
After splitting with him she still gave him money every week, paid his phone bills and at one point gave him £500 to see him by. After giving the money he would disappear again and not even a single text message to see how his kids (two are blind and have other disabilities) are doing. Even when he stayed he would not lift a finger for his kids unless told to. He moved out a got his back pay from the social which was more than enough to see him by. He called last night asking to borrow £400 to put towards a deposit and as you can imagine I wasn’t too happy that she agreed to it. I told her exactly what I thought about him and why he doesn’t deserve the money.
The fact is that as soon as he has his own place and he is settled we won’t see him again until he needs something. I told her that he is only in contact for her money, he doesn’t care and if the boot was on the other foot he would not help her out. In the two decades they were together he never worked, he never supported the family in any way and he abused my fiancée mentally, physically and sexually.
She understands why I get hissed off if he turns up at our house during the day while I’m at work and the kids are at school because there is no reason for him to be there but yet it still keeps happening. I try and tell her how I am feeling and how it is affecting us but she thinks that I am just trying to make her feel bad.
I love my fiancée and I love that she is a kind and caring person who will help anyone in trouble but am I wrong that I am encouraging her not to help this man who clearly doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Since he came back on the scene and was homeless all talks of our engagement, marriage and kids have stopped and everything seems to be evolving around him. If I say anything about the situation she goes very quiet and it gets very uncomfortable. I know she doesn’t love him and that since being with me she finally realises what it is to be happy but how can I get her to realise that she doesn’t have to mother him anymore and that he is not her responsibility?