The people he hurt so he could be happy

[Mucheasiernow]

But he doesn't seem happy.

Me
DD1
DD2
DS
DM
DGM
DMIL
SIL
DN
Cousins on both sides
and our close friends and neighbours just to name a few.

Why are you concerned about his happiness or lack of? Let go. He's made his bed, let him lie in it.

A (wildly promiscuous) friend of mine says 'They can only hurt you if you let them.' Choose to be not (or less) hurt by him.

I take it we're talking about an affair? Has he left you for someone else?

Hi Cogito, you are so supportive of everyone. Thank you.

I am just musing.
It is all done and dusted now.
It would be easier to take if it was for a good reason and he continues to behave in a manner that hurts the children's feelings.
Seems such a waste to have hurt so many people for no good outcome.

Is your ex the sort of person that divorces the children as well as his wife? Who leaves behind a trail of destruction? You are well rid. If your in-laws are equally appalled at his antics, and stand by you, at least he didn't succeed in destroying that relationship.

I know this irony well. ExH 'needed' to express a lot of questionable and risky habits to be happy (apparently I and DC were a barrier to his happiness) and years later he was severely depressed and had pushed more than me / dc away.
It took him a long time to realise he'd lost something great. In the meantime, my life is so much better now. Living well has been and is truly my revenge.
You are not responsible for his feelings and even less his actions. To quote a cheesy 80's film remind yourself 'you have no power over me' . (Of him). Every day.

Happiness at the expense of others is cheap.

Well he sounds like a dick who needs to learn that happiness is not actually dependent on other people and you have to sort yourself out.

But sometimes hurting someone else is the only alternative to being badly hurt yourself. EG if your partner is unsuitable or abusive (not suggesting that OP is any of these things) or not actually your partner but a person who loves you ans wants to be your partner, you can only make that person happy by allowing yourself to become nothing but food for that person, and it's not unreasonable to make the person sad by saving yourself.

IME selfish people are often very dissatisfied with life. Always on the look out for something better. Vague ideas that other people are getting something they're not. Goes hand in hand with things like being overly concerned with appearances and possessions. Shallow

IME selfish people are often very dissatisfied with life. Always on the look out for something better. Vague ideas that other people are getting something they're not. Goes hand in hand with things like being overly concerned with appearances and possessions. Shallow

Exactly!