I don't know how to deal with this

[yestheyhavethesamedad]

Sorry in advance if this ends up long.

I have 6 children 2 boys and 4 girls, my problem is my second son aged 13 his behaviour is out of control and no matter what I do he seems to be getting worse.

He has always had a temper on him ever since he was little and it got worse when his grandpa died when he was 8 so I arranged grief counselling for him and his siblings which did not help him at all if anything it made him angrier.
When he started high school I was getting a phone call on average twice a week to go for meeting with his pastoral care teacher to discuss his behaviour and they then arrange for a counsellor to talk to him to see if they could deal with his angry outbursts, he lasted 6 mths with the counsellor before he put a stop to it as in his words my son was trying to manipulate the sessions and that they were not helping.

At the beginning of the holidays I moved area as the place we previously lived was a small village where everyone knew everyone else and no matter what happened he was getting blamed as he had built up a bad reputation, he has always been angry punching walls and doors and attacking his sisters, I used to have to stand between them and hold doors closed to stop him from getting to them the problem being he now takes pleasure in telling me is bigger and stronger than I am now and pushes me out the way.
He runs out the house telling me he hates me wants nothing to do with me and would rather live on the streets then returns after a couple of hours as though nothing has happened but i'm scared not just that he is going to run away and not come back but that he is going to seriously hurt me or his sisters ,his 15yr old sister has already told him that net time he attacks her she is going to the police after he punched her full in the face.

I have a 5 and 6 year old who I don't want to grow up thinking this is normal but I don't know what to do I took him to the doctors and they said there was nothing wrong with him, none of the other children behave like this and if this was a boyfriend people would be telling me to get out as he is abusive but because he is my child i can't

sorry don't know what i want from this probably just to put it down

Get a second opinion and a third if that is what it takes. Don't just get fobbed off with 'nothing wrong'.

Are you still in contact with a Health Visitor? Speak to his teachers, get help and a referral. School are clearly aware of his problem so push them as well for a referral and help.

Have you seen this approach? it's especially designed for explosive kids.

www.livesinthebalance.org/parents-families

www.livesinthebalance.org/walking-tour-parents

Also check out the forum on conduct disorders dot com:
www.conductdisorders.com/community/#axzz3HGbozrCM

You can get advice from other parents dealing with difficult kids. The Explosive Child is a good book, too.

Well the police being called is t such a bad thing. If that doesn't scare him into taking responsibility for himself then you will at least get help from social services..... You have young children in the home living with violence. Ss can offer help, albeit limited. But the police have the youth probation service who ime are the best help out there for this kind of thing

Have school done a CAMH referral?

You will find lots of other MNs on the teenage thread who are going through exactly the same as you. You certainly are not alone. I find the thread very useful and pick up a few tips along the way.

You could get the pastoral care of his school to refer you to families first and they can offer you a family support worker who will provide support for whole family. They will also after assessment refer you DS to services until they work for him