I am so spoilt I know

[Smartypants86]

I really am just ranting.

It's my birthday tomorrow not a big special one or anything but it's my first as a mummy and wife. I kinda thought after the shit my 'd'h has gave me this year he would of made me feel
A bit special for my birthday but no. He brought me for dinner last weekend and when I say brought he paid I organised the whole night bookings and babysitter. We are going on a family overnight trip this weekend but again I have did all the organising. He thinks because he's paying thats his job done, but to me there's been no thought put in at all. His birthday I made a big deal and bought him lovely meaningful presents.
Just feeling sad that he hasn't made any effort tell me I'm being spoilt!!!

Brought? Are you from Derby?

I think adults getting upset about birthdays is ridiculous. You were born…well done

lol yes

Reading back I feel like slapping myself!!! I am being a right madam

No your not being spoilt. Feel for you .
Can you tell him how you feel? That you're hurt because he doesn't seem to have gone to any effort?
Sometimes men need things spelling out to them - I know this isn't quite the same as him taking the initiative himself but.......

I thought so

Don't slap yourself, just get a little bit of a grip

Why don't you treat yourself to something nice? That way you get what you want

I've been married to a lovely man for nearly 25 years and not once has he organised anything for my birthday ..and if I want a present I have to tell him what to buy! It simply isn't something that he thinks about it.. and I don't make a deal of his either. If every day life is ok, I'm not sure why it's a big deal? But I guess others feel differently!

I'm rather with puds.. birthdays are special for kids, for adults, it's just another day.. getting a takeaway is the dizzy heights for us! But everyday love and affections... that's what matters!

I did speak to him but he didn't see my point and said I was being spoilt. I feel like I sm being spoilt

We have been together 11 years and he's never been great at birthdays which has never bothered me. Just this has been a very difficult year with him telling a very big lie which made me question our relationship but I forgave him. I just thought after that he would of made a bit of an effort and have took it quite thick for some reason and I'm not usually like this

Being spoiled rotten....booking your own birthday dinner and break....

Nah

Not at all....

He should have made more effort....don't be doing any of the organising in future.

what was the "big lie" ?

You are not being spoilt at all.
Your birthday is the one day of the year when you should be the centre of attention and treated. Your DH sucks for not putting any effort in to make you feel special.

Yes, what was the lie? That may change opinion of whether he should be making more of an effort to appreciate you. Not that he shouldn't appreciate you anyway…..I'm gibbering.

I don't think it's been spoilt to expect to be treated a bit ncely on your birthday.

There will always be MNers around who adhere to the "no cake or fuss past 12" school of thought but personally I feel that, being as I give 100% to everyone else for 364 days a year, one day of being looked after isn't a lot to ask.

I don't think you're being spoilt. My DH does everything, making the bookings, being thoughtful about the gift, and making the day special. It's not that much of an effort if you genuinely want to make the person happy.

He lied about his stag night..,I then found out a fortnight before our wedding that he had went to a strip club and his friends paid for him to get a dance. Even writting that makes me feel like I've been punched in the stomach all over again. He knew my opinion on that kinda stuff and didn't tell ME because 'he didn't want to hurt me'.

So tbf the lead up to our wedding was ruined as I was so disgusted at him and had no excitement for it at all.

Urgh, why are men perpetual cliches?

I'm sorry but you can't make up for lying about happily having a half naked woman giving you a lapdance, by booking a meal and a babysitter.

You (for your own reasons) chose to forgive him so that should be totally separate to your birthday gripe.

I'm not big on birthdays but I 'get' that some people are.

However, I read time and again on MN that a poster is angry/disappointed because they choose to go to a lot of effort when it's their DH's birthday. Therefore they feel the favour should be returned.

But if your DH isn't really bothered about birthdays, then it never really will be returned will it?

So imo, you need to stop making a fuss of his birthday. If you can't stand the thought of that, you need to realise that you're probably only doing it because it makes you happy, rather than him.

On the other hand, if he becomes bothered at your lack of birthday fuss for him, you need to point out that it's because he doesn't really care about yours.

Either way, if I were you I'd spend my birthday with friends/family who actually want to celebrate it with you.

For my birthday, I ordered what I wanted and himself paid for it. End of.

I'd rather get something i want than something useless to me.

I always make a big deal for him and he doesnt it's never bothered me before. I'm not saying doing something nice would take all that away. Just the fact his fck up ruined our wedding build up this is the next 'event' since then and it would of been nice if he'd tried to make it special considering

If your birthday isn't til tomorrow how do you know he actually hasn't got something planned

Seriously...listen to the man. He can't be bothered. Exactly like my 'd' p. I disagree with previous posters, all birthdays are important, they are not just for kids.

It's a put up or shut up situation. Sorry to be so blunt!

my DP always gives me flowers and chocolates on the 13th of the month I was born, my birthday is the 16th...men

You have to stop linking your birthday with him accepting a lap dance.

He's either into birthdays or he's not.

If he's not and he made an effort because he feels guilty that he wanted to be sexually aroused by another woman on his stag night, is that going to somehow make up for it?

Seriously, just spend your birthday in the company of people who feel birthdays are important and who have nothing to 'make up for'.

Sidetrack the birthday thing a minute OP, and the lapdance if you can what is the rest of your marriage like? Don't tell us if you don't want to but really analyse it. He may not 'do' birthdays but is he otherwise what you want and need? Has he apologised for the stripper thing sincerely or did he just expect you to get over that? Is that why you are linking the two? Is it all cut from the same cloth? It's not necessarily two separate issues OP, you sound like you are seeing the birthday thing as a continuation of his poor behaviour towards you after the lapdance thing.

The way someone treats you compared to how they expect to be treated is very telling imo. Would he kick off if you did for his birthday what he does (or not!) for yours?

I think the reason that some people get upset over birthdays isnt the birthday itself but because it is the one day in a year that is "ours". So if, on the one day that he should be showing the OP how much she means to him, he doesnt bother then why shouldnt that hurt? Add that to the hurt he already caused her and yes, I would expect him to make a special effort.

I suspect that people who say "Oh grow up, birthdays are for kids" are in relationships where they feel valued every day and therefore one special day isnt really an issue. Sounds like the OP doesnt feel particularly valued and this has been highlighted by his total lack of effort on the one day that she should be a bit spoiled.

Does he take you for granted in general OP?